52: There is a party tonight and Idonwannago

There is a dinner party tonight. Idonwannago. I am supposed to go. I am expected to go. That does not change the fact that Idonwannago.

I’d rather be home, cuddling up to a nice, warm fire in the fireplace, a nice, warm kitty in my lap, comfortably dressed in my nice, warm bathrobe,  and not eating food I don’t need and talking politely with other people. What I want and had rather be doing is probably NOT going to win.  Darn it.

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51: Bodily changes

If I could change some things about my body, I would first choose smaller…..mammary glands. Running as an exercise has been uncomfortable since about age….14.  The second thing I would change is gender. I have been female now for 51 years, and from what I can see and have experienced, bring a girl is NOT the favored option in the gender lottery.

The next thing is my sinuses. I am tired of having allergies that cause runny nose. It is inconvenient. And messy.

I think that’s about it.

Honestly, if that’s all there is to complain about, I guess I am pretty blessed.

50: Whazzup, dude

I’m dying here. There are far too many hours left in this workday. Help, please.

I need a new life goal. The one I have been working towards is just not doing it for me anymore. I need to reassess. So, what is stopping me from doing just exactly that, for the love of Pete? Absolutely nuthin’ ‘cept my own self.

So, let’s think this thing through – oh, look! Something shiny!! Need some Ritalin – small break, back in a few minutes to re-re-assess.

Now that I can probably actually focus, let’s think. Hmmmmm. I can set my sights on a better-paying job in another country. Perhaps even back in the USA. I don’t really want to do that, returning to the USA, since I sold everything I owned to depart from there, but I could possibly consider returning to the USA like I would consider any other international teaching appointment: temporary. I could do two years in the USA like I could consider two years in, say, Malaysia or China, for instance. It could happen. One goal I definitely, certainly have is to pay off all remaining debt, so that I can use whatever income I earn for myself, instead of for paying off bills from others. Getting a better-paying job would be a move in the right direction, yes? Or, I could relax here for a few more years, considering this is the simplest job I have had in living memory. A higher-paying job would entail more work, usually, right? OK – put that one on hold until we gather some more information upon which to base a logical and competent decision – yep, Ritalin is kicking in.

Next phase: family. I need, really, really need, to launch my children. I am LIVING that silly movie called “Failure to Launch.”  My daughter graduated from high school a full year early. That should mean she is graduating from college a year early, too, right? NO. Graduating on time? NO. Graduating a year late? NOT. Graduating when, then? That is MY question. And my son, who also graduated from high school a full year early, should be well into his junior year by now, right? NO. Sophomore year? NO. Freshman year, no, surely not? What happened? Again, that is MY question. BOTH of these adult children have obtained inheritances from their father’s relatives, and swifty and efficiently have run through the entire balance of their accounts, against their mother’s (yes, that would be me) sagest advice, counsel and warnings. PLUS their 10K college savings accounts. Now, they are sponging off me and their grandmother. As long as patience lasts. There IS an end to patience in sight.

So, having put a deadline on my kids, and having at least considered finding another job that pays more, perhaps I can begin to focus on ME. What do *I* want? Hmmmmm. The first thing that popped in to my head is this gem: I want to retire and stop working. Yeah, like THAT’S gonna happen. You know any sympathetic money gods who might want to rain on me, so I can stop working for a living?? I did not think so. Me, either. I think that one will have to wait until there are funds in plac to support it. Rats. I am looking at at LEAST ten more years of this daily grind stuff. So, barring my primary desire, what else (that might actually HAPPEN) do I want?  A winning lottery ticket? I think I can get in line for that one, too.

How about a nice hot cup of cocoa, and a good book for this afternoon, and let’s just let these things percolate, since I cannot solve any of them right away, anyhoo? Work for YOU?

49: Charity clothes sort

I just spent most of my morning sorting donated clothes for charity. My students conducted a bake sale to purchase used clothing from the local souk – the flea market. They earned over 2,500 dirham. With these funds, they bought boots, coats, and other warm clothing – including lots and lots of new socks. The FUN part was sorting all of this stuff out once we got back to school. Small, medium and large – boy’s and girl’s things in each size. Then rummaging for enough boxes to put everything for the trip this afternoon to deliver it all! Whew!

I brought a lot of my own things for the donation, too. I had extra warm sweatshirts that I just don’t wear, and some clothes that I consider ungratefull ones. You know the sort I mean: the ones that announce with glee that you have gained weight, instead of gracefully hiding this fact. Or, the ones that want to be ironed each time they are laundered: you know, the ones that are not grateful that you own them. Time to send them off to someone else they might like better.

I also had an extra package of new socks myself, and my husband had a dozen that he claimed were extra. I’m not too sure about that; we’ll see if he goes on a sock-buying spree for Christmas. Then I’ll know for sure if they were “extra” socks or not. We also donated two nice, warm jackets that we don’t often wear, so they were nearly new, and a pair of sneakers that were my “extra” pair, waiting until the pair I am wearing out gets….well, worn out. A few nice skirts that I have not worn in the past year, and a few more shirts, and that was our donation – oh, I forgot the extra scarves. And I had 50 or 60 mechanical pencils that I added to the pile. I figured they were school children, and could use the pencils, too.

It is a good thing to participate in a charitable drive for other people who need some help. I NEVER feel bad about that, unlike what happens when my tax dollars go to support people who are just too darn lazy to work, and think that the world owes them a living. Now, THAT stuff makes me furious. I give when I can see a need, and those OTHERpeople need a quick foot in the butt, which I would love to donate to them.

48: SEX

Why is sex such an important thing? It is disgustingly commonplace, really – why is so much importance attached to it? Really, think about it. Even slugs know how to do it – why do such advanced creatures as humans get all excited about it? It is a little bit like proving that you can eat cake, or that you can stand on your head – -it is NOT that difficult a thing to do, really. REALLY.

Is it because it leads to procreation? Is that what the fuss is all about? C’mon. Now it gets silly! Cats and dogs have whole LITTERS of offspring at a time. We generally just have one. So what’s the big deal? Is it because we take so long to accomplish the feat? Elephants and even DONKEYS take longer to have a baby than humans do – so what’s the fuss about that?

Honestly, I don’t get it. You can have more fun on a roller coaster ride, and you can do that over and over and over again, one right after the other. Sex does not work that way. After a VERY short time, you need eight hours of sleep. REALLY. What’s so fun about THAT?

Teenagers – face it. You are a slave to your hormones. Having had all of my hormore aparatus removed for over a year now, I can honestly say that many of my life decisions were hormone-controlled, even though I thought I was a logical, rational human being. ROT. All of it was hormones.  Life is much more sane when you are in control of your hormones, and not the other way ’round. I would not go back if someone offered me megabucks. Wait. Maybe I would, but only if I could take my current knowledge with me, AND get the megabucks, too. And as long as we are wishing on fairy tales, I’d like to meet my SECOND husband before I met my FIRST husband, this time.  Seriously. Wait. Maybe I’d rather not meet either of them – maybe I’d rather be single? Nah – having a best friend is too important.

A monumental thought – is THAT what the sex thing is all about? Having your very own best friend for life partner? Hey – NOW it is all beginning to make some sense!

47: End of one year, start of another

We are completing a school year – the calendar year, anyway. 2011 is ending, dying with its last gasps, and 2012 is waiting breathlessly to be born. I cannot WAIT for a new year to start, because I will sure be glad to see the end of THIS one!

Not that this year was so bad, actually. It was nothing stellar or spectacular, either, mind you. There were more than the usual number of disappointments and aggravations, nothing like calm or serene – not that I have ever had too many of THOSE years! I fully expect, even into my 90’s (if I ever get there) that there will be few years that I will count as calm and serene. I apparently do not possess that gift.

Nonetheless, there is something inherently exciting about starting the new year – it is pregnant with new possibilities, new places, new things, new ideas and new friends. All the new things that will happen are trembling at the door, awaiting the time to enter my life – which will be in just a few more days, when the brand new year of 2012 is welcomed with fireworks and celebration. Does everyone feel this anticipation? I hope so – it is a pretty positive way to begin another new year. Bonne chance, world!

46: New Ideas

I wonder how many people have had a great idea that they made money on? A T-shirt design, or a new gadget, or something else really simple that caught on and became a “must have.” There have been thousands of such ideas. Why not one of MY ideas? I could use megabucks like anybody else could, and I get some pretty decent ideas, too. It is using one to get the other that appears to be the problem.

I thought of a tiny planned community for new couples, singles and families, using small efficient cottages on a plot of land – with a swimming pool and a tennis court, and a playground for the children. When homes are small and efficient, they are not  expensively priced. That means people can actually afford to purchase them, like an apartment, but instead of being joined together like apartments are, it is a small, separate home. New homes in the community can be built when an existing one sells, so nobody goes bankrupt, and the community grows slowly, like a real neighborhood does.

I also thought of a picture frame that is four corners and wires across the back, so one frame adjusts to fit any size picture. Why couldn’t I make a million dollars on that one?

I thought of making wooden carved masks, with all sorts of expressions and decorations. Living in Morocco, in Africa, they should sell. I also thought of making a kitchen island out of heavy timbers, sort of a butcher-block table, that I could use as a food preparation area in my tiny little kitchen. Rolling out the crust for a pie is really cramped with my little bitty bit of counter space. That table would REALLY help, and would be very easy to build.

I thought of making saddlebags for bicycles, too. That way you can carry stuff on your bike easily.

There are tons of good ideas floating around out there, and in here in my cranium. Now, it is just a matter of getting them started. Hummmmmm…..pass me that bowl of popcorn, would you? I think I’ll start right after I finish watching this movie……