59: School – YUCK

I am a teacher by profession. That means that I have pretty much been in school for all my life. First, the one I attended for day care, then pre-school, Kindergarten and then ten years of formal schooling in the American public schools, and YEARS of collegiate enrollment which STILL is not over. If I am not working on the school I teach, I am working on the school I am attending.

Teaching involves pre-reading tha lesson material, designing lesson plans, creating lesson handouts and assessments, actually teaching them and conducting the assessments, grading the assignments and the assessments, recording the grades, and returning them to students, discussing them and reteaching when necessary. And that’s only the stuff dealing with the normal school day when no one is absent and has work to make up, or the administrative stuff I have to complete that goes along with running a school.

Being a student is far, far easier. I have to attend class, listen, absorb material (usually by reading), and produce assignments as requested by the deadlines.

However, I have been a student too long. I actually prefer the more difficult and time-consuming teaching rather than the easier learning mode. It is not that I dislike learning new things, as I do enjoy that, very much. I simply have had enough of the student personna. When you are the student, your goal is pleasing the professor so that you achieve a passing score in their course. Often, that means producing a piece of work that you may personally have no interest in. OFTEN. You do it because the professor wants it that way, and being successful at school is the ability to meet the demands of the teacher, to THEIR satisfaction. Probably explains why Einstein sucked at it.

That is the aspect of being a learner that I dislike. I don’t like feeling like I have to toe the philosophical line of someone else’s convictions. And it is far too easy to discern where the professor camps their tent when there is a debate, or more than one point of view, on any particular issue. And frankly, it is not worth the cost of the tuition I paid, not to mention the trouble, of espousing a point of view contrary to the prevailing one (read: the professor’s). I dislike having to retake courses and repay tuition, especially since it is same song, second verse. It is much easier to wait to have a personal opinion until after I have earned the institution’s stupid degree, which is all the employers are looking for: those letters after your name. Once you HAVE a PhD, you can disagree all you like; in fact, there then is some cachet in disagreeing. Until then, you are taking your life in your hands.

And I now have only a few more months of student-hood to suffer through, and I DO mean suffer. My doctoral concept paper committee at the University has said that my proposed research study design does not have enough participants, in spite of the fact that very few of my reference studies hold their research in various locations (most had ONE, like mine) or have many participants (MANY had fewer than I am proposing). And this is like I can magically produce elementary schoolchildren who are willing to participate in my study. All I can do is ask, which I have been doing for  months. But, like  many other stupid professors I have been under (apt mental picture) they want what they want, for the reasons they want it. This means that for the third time, I must redesign and re-research a completely new dissertation research topic. Suffer. Suffer. Suffer.

And when and if I ever actually complete this degree, there is no inducement on this Earth that will tempt me to attend the graduation ceremony. MAIL ME the stupid piece of paper. And no one will EVER see that diploma on my wall – I will photocopy it when I need to prove to an employer that I have it. It has totally LOST any shine, gleam or glimmer of attractiveness it ever held for me. The only attraction it might still hold is the fact that I will earn a little extra money WITH the degree than I now do performing the exact same job without the degree. That’s about it.

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