122: Children

Children are animals. So are adults, for that matter, but children are special animals who have not yet been appropriately and socially TRAINED. It is like when you get a new puppy in the house. This new puppy does not yet know how to go to the bathroom appropriately – you must train him to do that properly, so that you do not have to step in doggie doo. It’s the same with children, especially when they are very small, but also when they get a little bigger, too. When my children were small, I knew the location of every bathroom in our entire city, because it never failed that one or the other of them (or BOTH) would have to “go potty” every single time we were out running some errand. Every single time. It did not matter if we “went” before we left, either – we still have to go while we are out. EVERY single time. Jeepers Creepers.

And the other thing you have to train children about (OK, there are LOTS of other things) is not embarrassing you when they speak. WELL do I remember when my toddler daughter (she’s a well-trained 24 now) tugged on my pants leg in WalMart, and she said to me, in her loud, clearly audible, little girl shriek: “Look at that really fat lady, mama!”  Oh, God. This seldom happens with grownups, since we are better trained – hopefully.

My husband’s youngest daughter loudly announced that he had farted while the whole family was on a bike ride at a South Carolina resort – and she repeated her observation over and over again when he tried to ignore her. Lack of proper training, that memorable moment. He is scarred for life now.

You have no IDEA how thrilled I am that all of our joint children (his and mine) have now reached the age of sociability – where they seldom cause us problems anymore – except for the requests for money. I don’t think they ever outgrow that one.

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