I hate hormones. I have reached the advanced age of …mumble, mumble, mumble…and I am progressing gradually (VERY gradually) towards the stage of life where I will not be bothered with hormones again: menopause. Menopause is a life goal to be achieved, just like other significant life goals, like puberty, obtaining the driver’s license, graduation, marriage, childbirth, empty nest, etc. Menopause, however, is a goal because getting THROUGH menopause to the beckoning, cool, green pastures on the other side is a real accomplishment. The one problem with this transition, that I can tell at least, is the hot flashes.
As women (of a certain age) grow older, their hormones gradually wind down. This is menopause, because those pesky hormones are what cause it: or rather, the lack of them. One thing that hormones influence is the body’s thermostat. A thermostat is what controls the temperature of the climate in the room. If it is set too low, you are cold. If it is set too high, you roast. When the hormones slack off, the body does not know how to handle this lack, since it has been accustomed to a regular dose of hormones for YEARS, and now not having them plays havoc with the thermostat, until the hormones are totally GONE, and then everything stabilizes. That’s why I say that getting through the process is such an achievement: you have to live through the hot flashes.
A hot flash is when, for unexplainable reasons (hormones!) your internal thermostat goes from normal to not just roast, but all the way to INCINERATE. You break a sweat. For no reason – you can be sitting down, at rest, and suddenly you are sweating like you just completed the Boston Marathon, in full ski gear, with an extra sweater piled on top. This is mildly annoying (!!!!!).
What makes it even worse is at night. You are peacefully sleeping, snuggled comfortably under the bed covers, and with no warning at all, you are wide awake, drenched in sweat, and kicking the smothering, overheated covers OFF, trying to cool off the volcano that has erupted inside. This is not good, especially if you have a sleeping partner – or…..a formerly sleeping partner…….. who now is wide awake, too, and cold because YOU have just kicked the covers off the bed, and off of them, too. This process is repeated SEVERAL times each night!!! My poor husband. He has been a paragon of patience and understanding, because he knows I cannot help it, and he also knows that one day (in the hopefully not-too-far-distant future), all this hormone crap will be over, and we can once again sleep peacefully together in our bed.
In the meantime, at least he can claim I am a hot woman between the sheets. heeheehee