162: Girl Talk

Guys discuss weighty matters, and no one ever accuses them of  spending  time discussing inconsequential things. Females get together to talk, however, and all the silliest words you can imagine are used to describe OUR topics of conversation. Nobody ever accuses women of having weighty matters to discuss – we only know how to coffee klatch, have hen parties, and girl talk. What, might I ask, qualifies as boy talk? There is no such thing. A rooster party? Nope.  And why is it only women can discuss things over coffee? I don’t even like the stuff.

What is it that  guys actually discuss? Have you ever listened to  guys talking? No? I’m not surprised – they have nothing to say. If women could only recognize this fact, it might make for better marriages, when Miss talks-about-everything gets married to Mr. talks-about-nothing. We would understand that he has always been that way, and won’t expect anything else to happen after we decide to marry him.

I married a man who is  genetically flawed, and no, you CAN”T have him. He actually, apparently got an extra chromosome – one of the X ones. He TALKS. I know you don’t believe this, and think I am delusional, since no such creature exists  in manhood-land, but I FOUND ONE. He must be a mutation, and he’s MINE – back off.  He even (and now I am sure that you are convinced I am delusional) actually doesn’t mind shopping – too much. And, now, the wisest of you are nodding sagely and telling yourselves: sure, because he’s still courting you – you are in that first heady flush of romance when he will do unnatural things for males because he is focused on the chase – soon as he gets you and the new wears off, the REAL man will emerge – the one that is like every other man. No – that’s not true, either. We just celebrated (and I do mean celebrated) nine years of  marriage. Wait, I will go get the smelling salts to revive you, because I am sure you have fainted from shock.

No, I am not telling you our address. I am not stupid. You might be more attractive than me, or richer, or have some other quality that might, possibly, attract him more than I do. I am KEEPING what I’ve got – he talks and shops. He even (and now I don’t even CARE that you think I am lying) will do dishes and laundry. Yeah, I know – you can’t have him. Nyah, nyah, na pooh-pooh.

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