188: Making up is not the same

There is one problem with making up with someone. Even though whatever you or they, or you BOTH did is discussed, compromised upon, and/or outright forgiven – it is never, ever, never, never ever, ever never, forgotten.

This is true with a friend, an acquaintance, a girl- or boy-friend, you name it: even a family member, immediate or removed. Things are never the same again. This issue, whatever it was, and even though it is now resolved, will always be there to think about whenever anything else comes up that requires trust from either you or from them.

This is doubly true with a spouse. Especially if the issue is one of fidelity. Even if the nasty never happened – it was just “thought about.” One partner who was “thinking about” another person in THAT way is just a problem now. Even though the other partner (that would be ME) is willing to forgive and forget, they are lying about the forget part. I know darn good and well that I am. Lying about the forget part, I mean. I might remind myself over and over that I forgave that lapse, but it won’t ever go away, and it will rear its ugly head every time there is an occassion in the future when I am supposed to trust my partner. Before I just did. Not now. I might make myself do it anyway, but the trust is gone. And *I* didn’t do it.

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