576: Penthouse Episode

If you are in a committed relationship, your man thinks he has finally given up his last chance at ever having a Penthouse Episode. You know the ones….they used to appear in the pages of that magazine,  and factual or not, they were a glimpse into the fantasies of the average man. To have a woman so crazy for him that she would pretty much just attack and overwhelm him with her physical desire and her deep, inescapable need of his amazing, devastating masculinity.

Ladies – if you are in a committed relationship, give this gift to your man. Choose your time and place, since nobody wants to be arrested by the law (major passion killer, that), but pick a time and place and let him know in no uncertain terms how much you want and need him in that basic, elemental female-to-male way. He will be amazed, surprised, incredulous – and grateful, proud, and manly. Show that man you love above all others that you want and desire HIM – above all others.

Trust me, even if you are bashful when you do it, he will be thrilled. Every man wants to be loved and adored – show him that you are the woman who does love and adore him.

Give him his very own, personal and private Penthouse Episode. Doesn’t he deserve it?

570: My bad

In this culture of victimhood that current society is wallowing in (pig in mud inference deliberate, here), where everyone and everything ELSE is to blame for everything I do and everything that happens to me – even at this seemingly simple task, I FAIL.

I am totally to blame for all of it. I have been unable to weasel out of anything….EVER. I try, believe me. I try. I figure if everybody else can slime their way out of any and all responsibility, I should be able to do the same: after all, I am female, have two adult (mostly) children, am regrettably white, old, fat, college educated, and employed full-time – a reasonable victim by anyone’s standards.

The problem is that pesky conscience, which I am assured that most modern people do not possess, as evidenced by their behavior laid out for all the world to see. I have not found the switch to turn that sucker off. And I am unsure which government form to fill out to evict the troublesome conscience as a result of its no longer being required or desired.

It can’t be as difficult as I am making it, this conscience-shredding process, or most of the world’s people would not have managed it so effortlessly.

*sigh* I’m a failure at being a failure.

560: Heebie-Jeebies

I have garnered the lead female role in a play, the Thirty Nine Steps. Actually, I play three different females in this play, all of whom interact with the male romantic lead. Who just happens to be my husband in real life. I get to kiss him onstage. More than once. In public. With an audience. Woo-hoo.

There are a lot of lines to learn. In a fairly short period of time. This is exciting, and scary, all at the same time. I am having performance anxiety issues, here, and I haven’t even performed yet. Worrying about things that may never happen. I’m pretty good at that, actually…..darn it.

I will choose to re-direct that snotty little voice in my head, and tell it that I will be wonderful, rave reviews, fantastically good time had by all (including me). I will not listen to internal negative thoughts of forgetting lines, or tripping onstage, or having wardrobe issues – I will have a great time in three accents: German, Scottish and plummy British. And I will kiss my husband, leading man, with gusto and fervor. Woo-hoo!

 

532: Why is it so hard?

Why is it so hard?

So many bemoan how there are not any “good ones” out there, male or female, who want a real, honest, true and loving relationship. If there are that many of us who are looking for it, how come so few apparently find it?

It’s because we all want to find that perfect person for us, and we want to continue just as we are, because we, ourselves, are not changing who we “really are” for anybody. Then, when some issue rears its ugly head necessitating conversation, understanding, compromise, and personal growth, meaning CHANGE, we fall back on that pride of self and convince ourselves that he/she didn’t really love me, after all, or they would not have tried to change me.  And then we are off to the races (the rat races?) in search of that elusive and non-existent partner who is perfect for ME. That way, I don’t have to do any fixing on me.

Well. Buddy, hear this: maybe there are some parts of you and your character or personality that DO need to change. Like, yesterday.

See, human relationships have several stages of adjustment. Compromises – CHANGES.

The first is the adjusting you do when any two (or more) humans live together in one space. Girl-girl, boy-boy – like college roommates. That’s HUMAN stuff.

The second is the additional adjusting you do when one of you is male and one of you is female trying to live together. That is boy-girl stuff, not the same stuff as human stuff.

Then, when you are married – because then all your family expectations and roles come into play – that is married stuff – not the same as the previous two categories.

Then, you become parents. OMG. MORE stuff, times infinity to the nth power, plus one.

And you are not changing for anybody? Grow up, dudes and dudettes.

438: Female Costumes

WHY are all the Halloween (and other event) female costumes for purchase always the harlot version of something? Harlot policewoman, harlot nurse, harlot soldier, harlot witch, harlot cheerleader (oops, I repeat myself), harlot nun (!), harlot teacher, harlot lawyer, harlot fill-in-the-blank. What is up with this nonsense? I can dress as a harlot any day of the week, without having to buy any stupid costume…..um……..never mind.

276: Google translate

language art

I have a student in my Art class who wants to attend a fine arts college. She is working on her portfolio of work in order to present an impressive portfolio when she makes her application next year.  Colleges look for three things: depth, breadth and meaning.

Breadth means that you can competently work well with various media, techniques and subjects, not just that you can paint.

Depth means that you are developing some focus, or an interest in one area that you are exploring in a series of works, whether that be media, technique or subject.

Meaning in artworks is that quality of halting the viewer to consider the work more carefully – a work that is more than just pretty, or pleasing to the eye. since my student is female, she already has a built-in “meaning” she can explore: feminism. AND, since she has lived for the last number of years in Morocco, an Islamic country, she also has the added cachet of being female in a predominately male-controlled society – feminism meaning bezeft (Arabic for too much, or too many). Hey, if it is handed to you on a platter, use it.

So, she and I were brainstorming last week about what works she might could do in this vein. In the middle of the night, I woke up with a brainstorm….OK, a brainfart…..

Take the word “woman.” Look up this word using Google Translate’s languages, and incorporate the word woman in the artwork in the various languages of the world that Google provides – in Arabic script (a, b, c, d,) as well as languages that use other alphabets, like Russian (cyrillic) and others like Chinese, Urdu and so on.  The work she created is very good – and it is making me itch to make one of my own!