646: Ruin

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How can this be real. Why is this happening?

What cosmic error did I commit that brought this to life?

Or is it just my time to pay the price in the random swirl of randomness that makes up the big bang theory of random happenings that rule the universe and its randomly mutated, Darwineanly selected inhabitants?

I am too well-fed to be deprived – the internal layer of fortification that circles my midriff is ancient protection from the vicissitudes of life – insurance, a hedge for my survival.

That protective fat layer knows nothing of the demands of the twenty-first century.

It only knows the ancient need to procreate, and is attempting to ensure that I will have the reserves – even if I no longer have the necessary equipment, the means, the opportunity, or the desire.

The last thing I would ever, ever consider doing is adding to the lives I already bear the guilt of creating, the horrors I have foisted onto this unsuspecting planet of humanity.

I’m sorry. I did the best I could, and it wasn’t enough.

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585: Cataclysm, possibly

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Not about cats, who already understand

things that could be and aren’t….yet

are not worthy,

even though prudence (another human thing)

demands planning, storing up –

worry. No.

I refuse, because

sufficient unto this day are its concerns

and tomorrow, Scarlett,

is another day I have not yet been given.

I will love you today

and rest as I need.

I am not the leader of the free world or the enslaved one

and that was never my goal, anyhow.

Today I will love you.

The potential horrors of potential tomorrow

will just have to wait.

Today, I am too busy loving

to worry about what might happen tomorrow.

And anyhow, when tomorrow IS today,

there will still be love to give.

555: Not now

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Not now.

On some other day, I will listen to your frustrations with a sympathetic ear, but not now.

Later, I will hold your hand and weep with you, and then laugh that our problems seemed so important, but not now.

Tomorrow, I will start fresh and try again, but not now.

I will grieve for now.

I will remind myself that I am not divine, but sadly human, now on this day.

It will be better, and we will rejoice together again.

But not now.

534: I don’t know

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I don’t know.

I don’t know how it will turn out.

I don’t know if time will prove this is the right decision.

I don’t know whether I am worthy of the challenge. I don’t know if you are.

I don’t know how I will feel in five years.

I don’t know how the details will work out, if things will fall into place and make this possible.

I don’t know how others will react.

I don’t know if the results, the rewards, will prove worth the risk and effort it will take.

I don’t know how much time we will have.

What I do know is that I hope, and because of that hope, I commit to you.

For now, and for all the tomorrows I have, every day: my choice is you, and by extension, US.

THAT, I do know.

 

What I hope is good, right, worthy, love, in time, happiness, and YES, for all the time we both have left,

and for all the time to come, even after that.

 

(dedicated to Mr. and Mrs. CINOR (Constantly In Need Of Reassurance)

533: Too Much to Say

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Too much to say.

Stars collide, and spin changes in human lives.

Taurus of the Earth and Cancer of the Water.

A planet of eight billion (others)

and of only two.

A universe of only two.

Bound, bonded, committed to be

together for the rest

of our time

until our time is ended and eternity begins.

Together.

Two beings with one

heart, mind, spirit.

United.

Too much to say.