611: Respect

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I am going to treat you like a mature, responsible, respectful human being…until you prove to me that you are not. Then, I will deal with the problem you are, or that you caused. The next time, I will treat you again like a mature, responsible, respectful human being….until you prove again that you are not. Again, I will deal with you. The third time, I will probably treat you like a real human person – repeat scenario. MAYBE the fourth time I will treat you respectfully……but I will also curtail what I will allow you to do, and how much interaction I have with you, because you have proven over time that you have no interest in adjusting those parts of you that are not mature, responsible and respectful.

And all of that is all on you.

Every stinking bit of it.

590: Respect for Humans

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I love you.

You are another human bean, sprouting,

growing into the best human you can be – being.

You are completely, totally, irrevocably unique among the billions of other beans that exist, breathe, scream, laugh, sorrow, rejoice, live….just like every other bean….totally unique.

This sense of you being the only one (which you ARE) works only so long as you remember that you are the ONE among all the other ONES.

They (ALL) deserve exactly the same high regard that you do, since they are also totally unique ONES, with all their advantages, disadvantages, successes, failures, flaws and strengths. Totally unique.

You cannot MAKE more of yourself, than another – for to do so lessens us all. You can have what you earn, what you are given, not what you take – that cost of taking is high in this life and in the next, and payment will be exacted upon you, and upon us, for what you take that you have not earned nor been given.

Live your life, and let others live their lives.

Do no harm. Try to live and do no harm.

For us all.

587: To be….is to act as if

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I am.

You are.

We act as if we are.

Mostly.

I can’t help it if some people (using that term loosely, mind you) act as if they are not. I am not responsible for people who deliberately choose to be less. It isn’t because of me, or because of how I voted, or any other reason than the true one – they CHOSE.

I can’t help that, but I can condemn it, and we as a group can prosecute and punish it, and so we should.

While the rest of us act as if….we ARE…..human BEings.

585: Cataclysm, possibly

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Not about cats, who already understand

things that could be and aren’t….yet

are not worthy,

even though prudence (another human thing)

demands planning, storing up –

worry. No.

I refuse, because

sufficient unto this day are its concerns

and tomorrow, Scarlett,

is another day I have not yet been given.

I will love you today

and rest as I need.

I am not the leader of the free world or the enslaved one

and that was never my goal, anyhow.

Today I will love you.

The potential horrors of potential tomorrow

will just have to wait.

Today, I am too busy loving

to worry about what might happen tomorrow.

And anyhow, when tomorrow IS today,

there will still be love to give.

555: Not now

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Not now.

On some other day, I will listen to your frustrations with a sympathetic ear, but not now.

Later, I will hold your hand and weep with you, and then laugh that our problems seemed so important, but not now.

Tomorrow, I will start fresh and try again, but not now.

I will grieve for now.

I will remind myself that I am not divine, but sadly human, now on this day.

It will be better, and we will rejoice together again.

But not now.

532: Why is it so hard?

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Why is it so hard?

So many bemoan how there are not any “good ones” out there, male or female, who want a real, honest, true and loving relationship. If there are that many of us who are looking for it, how come so few apparently find it?

It’s because we all want to find that perfect person for us, and we want to continue just as we are, because we, ourselves, are not changing who we “really are” for anybody. Then, when some issue rears its ugly head necessitating conversation, understanding, compromise, and personal growth, meaning CHANGE, we fall back on that pride of self and convince ourselves that he/she didn’t really love me, after all, or they would not have tried to change me.  And then we are off to the races (the rat races?) in search of that elusive and non-existent partner who is perfect for ME. That way, I don’t have to do any fixing on me.

Well. Buddy, hear this: maybe there are some parts of you and your character or personality that DO need to change. Like, yesterday.

See, human relationships have several stages of adjustment. Compromises – CHANGES.

The first is the adjusting you do when any two (or more) humans live together in one space. Girl-girl, boy-boy – like college roommates. That’s HUMAN stuff.

The second is the additional adjusting you do when one of you is male and one of you is female trying to live together. That is boy-girl stuff, not the same stuff as human stuff.

Then, when you are married – because then all your family expectations and roles come into play – that is married stuff – not the same as the previous two categories.

Then, you become parents. OMG. MORE stuff, times infinity to the nth power, plus one.

And you are not changing for anybody? Grow up, dudes and dudettes.

482: New Habits

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Many people are dissatisfied with some part of their life. That’s pretty universal, since life has so many compartments: physical, spiritual, financial, occupational, familial, emotional, and every one of those compartments has multiple occupants, all of which can run smoothly, or gum up the works.

In the process of living our lives, we humans are often like water. We choose the easiest path (the path of least resistance) to find our way down an incline. What this translates to in daily life is that we establish easy routines to deal with most things, and they become habits over time with repetition. They start to feel natural and normal with the familiarity, even if they are not natural and normal. It happens this way even when our established habits are actually unhealthy for us, or harmful to us.

All of us struggle with habits, but who would knowingly establish a habit that harms them? Well – that appears obvious, but people do it every day.  We choose to take a drink because we are bored, or because something is uncomfortable that we’d rather not think about and deal with. Repeatedly choosing that option leads us to a dependency on alcohol (or drugs, or food, or sex, or the Internet, or gambling, or shopping, or fill-in-the-blank with your own addictive, escapist behavior) and the poor choice is now a habit that feels natural and normal to you, even though it is anything BUT. The problem with addictive, escapist behaviors is that they are never, ever satisfied with the compartment of your life that they started out in. They do take control of that compartment, yes – and then they cast a proprietary eye on the compartment next door, and the one after that, and the one after that, until they pretty much take over everything.  Every stinking, little, tiny thing.

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This is why people who don’t see (and heed) the warning signs when a habit is still small enough to be uprooted, before its roots are so massive that digging it out uproots the rest of the garden, too – this is why those people speak of hitting absolute rock bottom. It takes that ultimate comeuppance (rock bottom) at that point, to make a change. When there are no more excuses, when you have pretty much lost everything that mattered to you, when there is nothing that is left of any value or worth, making a change isn’t such a bad thing. It is the only thing left.

You can’t dig yourself out of a hole. When you find yourself in a hole, STOP DIGGING. Make a change. You can’t expect different results when you continue to make the same choices. Start something new, and be sure it is something positive, and do it one day at a time, until you are no longer in a hole.

When will you be out of the hole? You will know. Just be sure you don’t start digging again.