583: The Future of Now

the-meaning-of-human-existence-4

Where I want to be and how to get there is Future thinking.

Where I am and living it the best I can is Now thinking.

Which is worthier thinking?

Don’t tell me how I should be thinking…..or feeling

Don’t lecture, don’t preach, don’t.

Give me room – stop smothering.

Worry about yourself – there is plenty of fodder there

to keep you plenty busy in your own house.

I’ll be OK, all by myself.

I’ll be OK, and yes, I do want you around –

just not all over me.

It will settle and I  will be adult and arrive at the right thing without your guidance

or advice this time.

Just be

and let me just be.

And WE

will be just fine.

 

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222:Being at Peace in Your Own Skin

You know, there are days when I wake up just pissed off at the whole world. Usually,that happens when more than one of the balls I am juggling (school, personal, spiritual, financial, family, career, etc.) hits the ground at the same time. I can cope with things going to hell in a handbasket with one area of my life, stressful as that is, but when two or more of them go south, than I usually really have problems coping. Here lately, I seem to be having difficulty keeping ANY of them in the air. Period. And you know what? It’s just OK. I am not sure why, but it is just OK.

I read a blog once from a lovely person who is really suffering with anxiety, illness, death of loved ones, mental illness, abandonment issues – made me offer up a genuine and sincere prayer for them. Sometimes it takes losing everything to find yourself. I have also dealt with the death of loved ones (one I was responsible for), depression (clinical depression, not just the blues), surgery, menopause, spousal infidelity, a defiant, oppositional, drug-taking child, and a number of other items including being in debt 35 thousand dollars for a doctoral degree that I cannot finish at the school where I started, due to their negligence (I have a perfect 4.0 GPA in the program with one class to finish), and I have very little recourse for that except to suck it up and to pay up.

But you know what? I am at peace within my own skin. I know damn well that I have done my best. I have worked like a dog. My conscience is clear. I am at peace within myself.

BTW- Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket???