599: Criticism and Karma

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You know, I got a lot of chiding when your candidate was ruling the free world, and my posts and comments expressed my personal dissatisfaction with his methods and morals. I recall being labeled “petty,” and “vindictive,” and “patently and obviously unfair and biased.”

The shoe is on the other foot, now. What are you posting, that you derided me for posting? And what have I NOT had to say to you about it?

I’m going to just leave this here, for those who are able to think, and those who understand the definition of irony, and those who might comprehend when someone else has taken the higher road.

And that won’t be very many peeps, now, will it?

 

589: Choice

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I love you.

I do not want to continue seriously rethinking that statement.

I empathize with your frustration when I challenge your belief statements. Making personal attacks against me does, at least temporarily, achieve your objective: I lose interest in the intellectual debate and focus on the hurt instead, and you are no longer intellectually uncomfortable since I am no longer challenging you, and indeed, I usually withdraw to lick my wounds.

This is infantile behavior on your part, and it is beneath you. I would like to believe it is beneath you. It has happened often enough that I am seriously rethinking that statement, as well. I do not deserve personal attacks from you, I do not accept them from you, I will not continue to receive them from you. If you are incapable of indulging in intellectual debate without resorting to such remarks when the water begins to heat, that is your own personal failing, and not mine.

After reflection, your choices are two. You can stop engaging in intellectual debate with me, and enjoy the fact that I love you, with all that entails. Or you can choose door number two. When it comes to personal attacks, I do have, unfortunately, some small experience upon which to draw.

I do not need you. I love you, and that is another kettle of fish entirely. At the moment, these fish are smelling pretty rank. I am, as yet, unwilling to scuttle the kettle, but it is always an option. I am not threatening you, I am merely stating some facts for your consideration.

Your choice.

576: Penthouse Episode

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If you are in a committed relationship, your man thinks he has finally given up his last chance at ever having a Penthouse Episode. You know the ones….they used to appear in the pages of that magazine,  and factual or not, they were a glimpse into the fantasies of the average man. To have a woman so crazy for him that she would pretty much just attack and overwhelm him with her physical desire and her deep, inescapable need of his amazing, devastating masculinity.

Ladies – if you are in a committed relationship, give this gift to your man. Choose your time and place, since nobody wants to be arrested by the law (major passion killer, that), but pick a time and place and let him know in no uncertain terms how much you want and need him in that basic, elemental female-to-male way. He will be amazed, surprised, incredulous – and grateful, proud, and manly. Show that man you love above all others that you want and desire HIM – above all others.

Trust me, even if you are bashful when you do it, he will be thrilled. Every man wants to be loved and adored – show him that you are the woman who does love and adore him.

Give him his very own, personal and private Penthouse Episode. Doesn’t he deserve it?

341: Useless

Did you ever go into work on a day when you KNEW before you got there that you were going to be virtually useless for the day?

That’s today. So – you (actually I) are faced with the decision of whether to go anyway, and fill in the time doing whatever you can manage to get accomplished anyway, knowing that it will be completely bogus and will all probably have to be re-done all over again when you return to work on a day when all of you can actually be present to work, and not just the physical, empty shell of a body that showed up today, OR do you phone in to your boss and fake that phlegmy-sounding cough while you lie about how sick you really aren’t, taking a sick day because you never use them anyway, and you have, like, nearly a hundred saved up that you know they are never going to pay you for anyway, but you keep showing up to work when you are sick anyway, thinking morbidly that maybe some day you will have cancer and you’ll have five year’s worth of sick days saved up, so everything will be just fine.

OR, do you (I) show up for work and do something sneakily bogus, like, visit everyone in the company personally, asking for their feedback on some nifty new project you brainstormed, so it looks like you are industriously gathering DATA while you are actually just visiting everyone and wasting the eight hours so they will pay you, because let’s face it, that’s the real reason you show up for work on ANY given day, and not just this useless day?

OR, do you just blow it all off, phone in and take a personal day, claiming you have vitally important errands you absolutely must accomplish today, even though you only get three personal days a year, as opposed to the 12 sick days you get that you never use even when you are sick, and you already know that the most important, vital thing you might actually get accomplished today is a long-overdue pedicure, where you meticulously trim, buff and polish your toenails a trendy shade of blue or lime green or yellow that you bought at the mall because you were standing in a long check-out line and they had this display of ridiculous nail polishes bearing no resemblance to anything life-like, but you were stuck there in line for over 40 minutes with nothing else to do but stare at them, so you bought one of each?

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Yeah, well – this is one of those days.

338: Personal Motivation

People all over this world accomplish things large and small though their own personal motivation. Motivation can be a powerful force for both good and bad. Unfortunately, like a great many things that matter a great deal, personal motivation remains a nebulous, abstract concept that is fluid and flexible, and not remotely the same (inspiration or results) person to person. It’s complex, even though we all recognize it when we see it in action.

To make motivation even more confusing a concept, it is even fluid and changeable within a single individual, depending on  the circumstances.

I saw this in action in Harrison Ford’s movie “Bladerunner.” Ford’s robot-hunting police officer character is interviewing an individual in order to determine whether she is, in fact an individual (human), or if she is, instead a cleverly programmed human-imitating, life-like looking, android robot.

He asked her a series of questions that illustrate the changeable and sometimes contradictory notion of human motivation. He asks her what would she do if she found a neighbor’s child abusing an animal. She answers she’d report him to the authorities. Then he asks what she’d do if she discovered her own child pulling the wings off of flies, and she answers that she’d take him to the doctor to get help. Then he asks her what she’d do if she discovered a wasp on her own arm, and she instantly, with no apparent recognition of or concern for the inconsistency of the logic of her own motivation, answers “I’d kill it.”

People are like that. Which way I am gonna jump in any situation depends on a great many things, including the mood I am in at the moment, how others have treated me today (or even yesterday/last week/anytime in my previous life history), and even maybe what I had for freaking breakfast – let alone the enduring moral or ethical values I govern my life by.

Some of us make an honest and sincere effort to govern our lives by motivations of enduring moral and ethical behavior, grounded in a profound personal sense of ultimate truth and values.

Others go into politics, or become criminals – but then, I repeat myself.

223: Juggling

One of the annoying things about being grownup is that you must learn to juggle. It is only one of the annoying things about being a grownup, but it is one of the most difficult parts of being grown up to master. By juggle, I do not mean actual juggling, the sort done in entertainment acts by people who juggle balls, flaming torches or swords. By juggling, I mean managing all the disparate parts of your life and all the attendant responsibilities that go with each sphere of your influence (I mentioned balls again, didn’t I?).

Most adults have several spheres of influence: their personal lives, their family lives (not the same thing), their spiritual lives, their work lives, perhaps their school lives, and lastly, their social lives. Did I forget any? Each of these spheres sometimes overlap others, but generally, we have different responsibilities for each one of them. I must bathe and care for myself and this body I live in, including periodic visits to medical professionals for checkups and repair. I also handle some of that for my family, too, at least while my children were little, until they matured enough to begin assuming that responsibility for themselves. There are also other family obligations, everything from Sunday dinner at mom’s, to which family member we will celebrate Thanksgiving with this year, to burial arrangements for my husband’s father. Then there are the spiritual and social responsibilities that go along with my faith and my church family, too – missions, offerings and gifts of materials and time, prayer and scripture study, and more. Then there is the sphere of work: not only the actual work part, but the social atmosphere and culture of work. Work would be enough all by itself without all that other crap, but there it is….some people don’t have enough of a life of their own, and must try to create their entire lives around their work, and get everyone at work to socialize as if we actually were a family and everybody liked everybody else, and not as if we were just thrown together by circumstance, which is actually a lot closer to the truth. Sheesh. And then, there are those of us who are enrolled in school, each of them with another culture and social obligations, not to mention the class work and due dates. Lastly, there is the social life – the recreation time we take with the people we actually like and WANT to spend time with, not the ones we are obligated to socialize with in the other spheres. THAT is the juggling act I am talking about; managing to keep all of these separate spheres of our influence in the air and functioning (at least to some degree) all at the same time.

Sometimes I manage that act pretty well, and then, at other times, one or more of these spheres hits the ground with a sickening thud as I “drop the ball.” This usually happens because another sphere is taking up far more time and energy that it deserves.

Here lately, I have had several spheres drop. Wobble, wobble, drop it like it’s hot, drop is what I am talking about. Drop and SPLAT. Spilled milk drop – no recovery possible. You know what, though? Life DOES go on….even if my grip is not too good these days!

222:Being at Peace in Your Own Skin

You know, there are days when I wake up just pissed off at the whole world. Usually,that happens when more than one of the balls I am juggling (school, personal, spiritual, financial, family, career, etc.) hits the ground at the same time. I can cope with things going to hell in a handbasket with one area of my life, stressful as that is, but when two or more of them go south, than I usually really have problems coping. Here lately, I seem to be having difficulty keeping ANY of them in the air. Period. And you know what? It’s just OK. I am not sure why, but it is just OK.

I read a blog once from a lovely person who is really suffering with anxiety, illness, death of loved ones, mental illness, abandonment issues – made me offer up a genuine and sincere prayer for them. Sometimes it takes losing everything to find yourself. I have also dealt with the death of loved ones (one I was responsible for), depression (clinical depression, not just the blues), surgery, menopause, spousal infidelity, a defiant, oppositional, drug-taking child, and a number of other items including being in debt 35 thousand dollars for a doctoral degree that I cannot finish at the school where I started, due to their negligence (I have a perfect 4.0 GPA in the program with one class to finish), and I have very little recourse for that except to suck it up and to pay up.

But you know what? I am at peace within my own skin. I know damn well that I have done my best. I have worked like a dog. My conscience is clear. I am at peace within myself.

BTW- Where are we going, and why are we in this handbasket???