576: Penthouse Episode

foreplay-fun

If you are in a committed relationship, your man thinks he has finally given up his last chance at ever having a Penthouse Episode. You know the ones….they used to appear in the pages of that magazine,  and factual or not, they were a glimpse into the fantasies of the average man. To have a woman so crazy for him that she would pretty much just attack and overwhelm him with her physical desire and her deep, inescapable need of his amazing, devastating masculinity.

Ladies – if you are in a committed relationship, give this gift to your man. Choose your time and place, since nobody wants to be arrested by the law (major passion killer, that), but pick a time and place and let him know in no uncertain terms how much you want and need him in that basic, elemental female-to-male way. He will be amazed, surprised, incredulous – and grateful, proud, and manly. Show that man you love above all others that you want and desire HIM – above all others.

Trust me, even if you are bashful when you do it, he will be thrilled. Every man wants to be loved and adored – show him that you are the woman who does love and adore him.

Give him his very own, personal and private Penthouse Episode. Doesn’t he deserve it?

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512: Top 10 Review of Lord of the Flies, by William Golding

lord-of-the-flies

Top Ten Review of Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Number 10 – There are no women in this book

Number 9 – We learn you can start a fire with your spectacles. Yeah, we watched Survivor.

Number 8 – They are obsessed with pigs.

Number 7 – We learn that dancing will make you a savage – which explains why Baptists don’t allow it.

Number 6 – They set fire to the island….twice.

Number 5 – You can worship anything….literally anything.

Number 4 – A private place all to yourself is very, very valuable.

Number 3 – They are on an island, and nobody thinks to fish for food.

Number 2 – We learn that a diet of fruit will upset your stomach….duh.

And, finally number ONE: We are shown that boys are total animals, which girls already knew.

504: Wedding Cake

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I am sorry, but I absolutely do not believe the hoopla surrounding bakeries making wedding cakes, or ANY private business of any sort doing anything they would rather not do. Can we say common sense? I have been voting with my feet over shoddy service at businesses large and small for DECADES now, and have never once required the services of a lawyer to do it.

If you are a business employee, and have religious convictions that interfere with providing services that the company routinely offers – get another job. I should be able to purchase services the company offers, even if you are the employee filling my prescription, or ringing up my pork chops, regardless of your personal convictions as an employee.

If it is your private business, however, that’s different.

Personally, I would bake a cake for a gay person, because I am called to love people. I am not called to love or support their behavior or beliefs. I have baked cakes for Muslims, because I respected them as people. I won’t bake a cake that celebrates ISIS, or Islam, for that matter. Same thing for a same-sex marriage. I don’t support that, either – not that a marriage is in the same category of “belief no-nos” as ISIS is. But for you as a human being: gay, Muslim, black, white, Jewish, special needs, green and purple polka-dotted?? No problem. If you take my cake and serve it during Eid, or at your wedding to your same-sex partner, that is your choice.

This cannot be the most important issue of modern life. In fact, it is my considered opinion that it isn’t an issue at all.

Anyway, are you seriously considering serving a cake to your friends and family that you FORCED someone to bake for you? Are you NUTZ? EEEEUUUWWWWwwwwww………………

 

347: Give Me a Freakin’ Break

Some people simply adore Christmas and everything that comes with it: presents, decorations, festive trees, special music of the season, family, shopping, food galore, traveling, snow and ice, cold weather sports, football championship games, time off from school and work, and on and on…..

If Christmas is a time of year that floats your boat, well and good for you. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a full-fledged Scrooge, yelling BAH, HUMBUG at everybody who wishes me Happy Holidays, Season’s Greetings or even Merry Christmas (my personal choice). Still, like sex, I prefer a much more private and intimate Christmas than the big show and tell that it has become in modern times, and that analogy is true of the sex, too – it does not have to happen in front of God and everybody – and their third cousin twice-removed. By the way, being Southern USA born and bred, I actually know who IS my third cousin, twice-removed (we cut our teeth on obscure family relationships).

However, back to Christmas: I don’t like all the public-ness of Christmas. I abhor staff Christmas parties. I don’t like all the obsessive socializing, especially with people who are not fairly close family (third cousins twice-removed notwithstanding). It isn’t that I don’t wish everyone well – I do, but still – I don’t want to see everybody in the whole wide world, either! I want a little more peace and quiet, a little more rest and relaxation, a little more thought and consideration. And I don’t need everybody’s help with that….just a few of the most precious people will do nicely, thank you!

Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

 

321: Luggage

imagesThe airlines are in a war, and not with each other this time: with US. This war is over the issue of luggage. If you are somebody who can travel with your toothbrush in your back pocket, this is not an issue for you. For everybody else in the UNIVERSE, it is a huge issue.

They (the airlines) keep looking for ways to gouge a few extra dollars (or rubles, or Euros, or yen, or dirham, or WTFever) out of their customers. Carriers with airfare in the affordable range allow you 5-10 kilos, depending, and the BAG weighs that much, much less putting anything IN the bag.

Airlines that cost your first-born GRANDchild graciously allow you to take a real, life-sized suitcase with a change of clothes so you don’t stink too badly when you arrive at your destination. Gee, thanks.

I moved country to Panama from Morocco. I needed maximum luggage allowance, and paid for extra. I even took the WHEELS off my luggage so that I had a few more ounces of actual STUFF I could pack. I wore multiple layers so I could get one or two more items on the plane. Still not enough. *sigh*

I did my best. Infantry private, economy class Dianne – that’s me.

292: Losing a Pet

Pets are members of the family. I know this because of the grieving process that occurs when you lose one. Even when you adopt one out to another family, you grieve and miss them, even when you kn0w they are settling in and are happy with their new family – you still miss your babies.

Some people will argue with you until they are blue in the face that animals are animals, and don’t have any feelings, and that you as their “owner” are nothing more than a source of food to them. Yeah, they do like treats, but not have feelings? They are animals just like we are animals, and nobody is stupid enough to suggest that humans don’t have feelings (except for the small minority of the population known as psychopaths, and I am not sure they are human, anyway). People who think animals don’t have feelings simply have not been around any.

We’ve adopted out four babies. It’s tough. It was tougher choosing which four we would adopt out, and which three we would scrape together the funds to transport to our new country (Panama) from Morocco, where they were born. Sport Model needed a home here in Morocco, because he’s gregarious and friendly, and he likes people. He never settled on one of us as “his” special human – he likes everybody. We were fairly certain he would be happy with a new family, and that has proven to be the case, according to the glowing reports we have gotten. I still miss his morning kisses, though.

Sugar Daddy had made it plain that he wanted to be an “only” cat – or at most, to have only one kitty sibling. He really let us know he was not happy when we’d (I’d) bring a new rescue kitten home. There were too many brothers and sisters in the family, and he did not like it. We were fairly certain he’d be happy in a home as the only cat – and we were right there, too – he took to being the one and only like a duck to water. It did not hurt that there was a nice, big garden for him to explore, either.

Timinia was a big, gawky, adolescent boy with a huge appetite that kept getting him in trouble. He had also not chosen anyone as his special human, and he was willing to accept cuddles from anybody who was willing to dispense them. His new mama is very pleased that he likes sleeping next to her, climbs in her lap looking for cuddles, and begs for tidbits, and we are very pleased we don’t have to be so viligent in the kitchen anymore when there is food preparation going on. He’s a shameless beggar.

Honey Bunny was my husband’s kitty girl. She picked him.  It was hardest giving her to a family, knowing she adored my husband. We have not yet heard if she’s adopted anyone in her new family as her new special person. We just did not have the funds to ship four cats. We really don’t have the funds to ship three, but I can borrow a little on the nickel and dime plan to get the last three to Panama.

Humsa succumbed to his automobile injuries, and I still get a pang when I think of his happy orange-striped face. He was such a sweetie: if there are pets in Heaven, he’s there, enjoying lots of petting. Medina left, preferring the great outdoors to being a house pet. If you love your children, you let them go when they want to go. We hope she’s happy in the life she chose. She did come home once for a few days, but she decided it was too limiting for her free spirit, so she took off again. Souk did not like being around other cats, was constantly squabbling with her house siblings.We regretfully took her to the medina near the meat markets, where she could be assured free handouts, and let her go free where she could be by herself, like she wanted. She was a daddy’s girl, and she despised me as competition in the worst way. Now she does not have to put up with other cats or other people.

The three we are taking? Fez is mama’s girl, and nobody else’s. She does not even like to be petted much, especially in public. Fez is a very private girl. She like her kitty loving under cover – literally. She gets on my tummy under the covers, with my knees raised so she has a nice, warm, private space, and she makes bread, and rubs her head on my leg, and licks my leg with her sandpaper-rough tongue while I pet her.  She will do that until she falls asleep.

Fluff-man loves women. He will climb in your lap, put both arms around your neck and kiss you. Hard to resist that come-on. He is a easy-going, be-bopping hippy.

Caruso is the talker. He answers when you speak to him. And he talks to you even when you’d rather he didn’t. I found him half-frozen, too young to leave mama, but if I had not taken him, he would have died. He still will energetically and enthusiastically “nurse” on our fuzzy bed blanket. They are all our fur children, and we love all seven of them!!

Caruso and Fluff

Caruso and Fluff