602: Stubborn

I understand that things can get difficult. Even when they are first world problems (which means they are issues of privilege), they are still problems. True, mine are generally insignificant ones, compared to life and death problems that many people the world over are struggling with each and every day, that is quite true. But they are still problems, even if they are insignificant ones (when viewed through that realistic lens).  Let’s be real, nobody is holding a gun to my head, literally (even if I sometimes feel like that figuratively). I still have choices (even when it feels like I don’t).

Understanding that most of my problems are small ones (nothing life or death, here!) SHOULD make it somewhat easier to suck it up, buttercup – and MOVE ON. *sigh*

Time to find my inner stubborn, and kick that ass into gear.

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566: Choosing

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There are some who think that having a good life is a matter of simply choosing to have a good life: looking on the positive and choosing to be cheerful. Well…..sort of.

There is a very great deal that I can do to improve things by simply refusing to get mired down or sidetracked by the circumstances of life. I can plan, and live courageously, without succumbing to my fears. I can decide each and every day to try again, and to make it my personal best – yeah, I know all that. Get up once again, and move forward.

Sometimes, though, thinking positive thoughts isn’t all that is required. Sometimes there are physical problems which need to be dealt with, usually with diet, exercise and lifestyle choices I need to amend for the better. YUCK. WORK. Yup.

Sometimes I need to seek out and/or accept a helping hand from a family member, a friend, or a professional counselor/doctor. The point is that I am working on making it better, and that I don’t give up working on it until it IS better – whatever that takes. My ultimate solution may not be your solution. That’s why the world is such a big place. My solution does not have to be your solution. Why do you think they make so many different forms of transportation? What works for me, works for me.

My daily choice is to try again, and to keep trying until I find that blend of practicality, extension and reservation of myself that works for me. Not to give up, and settle for situations and people that do not work for me. Sometimes that is endurance, and sorts out with time, and sometimes I need to choose alternatives. And, sometimes it is serendipity – which is a big word for God’s finger stirring the pot of soup that is my life until the good bits float to the surface.

 

555: Not now

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Not now.

On some other day, I will listen to your frustrations with a sympathetic ear, but not now.

Later, I will hold your hand and weep with you, and then laugh that our problems seemed so important, but not now.

Tomorrow, I will start fresh and try again, but not now.

I will grieve for now.

I will remind myself that I am not divine, but sadly human, now on this day.

It will be better, and we will rejoice together again.

But not now.

510: The wind is blowing

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This way, do it this way.

I tell you, I want it like this.

No, you are doing it wrong, I want it like that.

No, you are still doing it wrong, you are not listening.

I want it THIS way.

No, no, no.

You are being deliberately willful, and defying my authority.

For your own good, I am putting you on an improvement plan, before I fire you.

Tell me your frustrations, so I can use them against you.

I acknowledge your frustrations have merit (because I see the same things),

but it is YOUR FAULT that you mention them as frustrating things, even though I do that, too.

You need to solve your own problems, in spite of the fact that I am the supervisor.

YOU are the one to blame for this.

You, you, you…..employee.

437: How Your Garden Grows

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A garden is a good place to meet both yourself and God.

You meet yourself as you pull weeds on your knees

and God as you discuss with Him what went right,

and what went wrong,

and how you might can do better next time.

Weeds start out small and insignificant

and are easily pulled out by the roots, but

give them a week, unchecked,

and they turn into monsters that uproot the good stuff, too.

Don’t wait to address a problem that is still small

because it won’t stay small long.

The garden, and God,

taught me that truth.

389: You IDJIT

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There have been times this epithet has been directed at other people. I admit it  – sometimes other people are just plain stupid. So there.

More frequently, lately, this scorching has been aimed squarely at…………………………………………..me.

Ding dong dag nab it, sometimes I win the trophy. Queen bee idjit. Tiara and all.

I know when I’ve done it, too – there is that oh-no second when I realize it is too late, right before the snot hits the fan and delivers a smooth spatter to the universe. The cringe of full knowledge – eyup, that was me, blazing a trail where few had trod before, dammit, and none will (willingly) tread after.  *sigh*

Most of my idjit difficulties appear to stem from the undeniable fact that I cannot keep my big mouth SHUT. Can. NOT. Do. It.

If I am thinking it (and I occasionally do have some good thoughts, even if I do say so myself), it goes immediately to the superhighway of speech before I can warn my tongue about the speed trap ahead. And there is no calling it back once it is out there. Unlike a fart that can be politely ignored, or better yet, blamed on someone else, there is little possibility of unclaiming something I have just announced to the wide world. Brain farts converted to speech farts can NOT be passed off on somebody else, dammit. I know. I’ve tried – no dice.

This diarrhea-of-the-mouth problem I have does not include secrets – I just want to help solve any problems I hear about, so I get myself into trouble trying to help fix things. Sometimes the idjit trophy arrives squarely at my door that way, too.

So, excuse me while I adjust my tiara and march off-stage with my trophy: Miss Idjit, Universe level.