646: Ruin


How can this be real. Why is this happening?

What cosmic error did I commit that brought this to life?

Or is it just my time to pay the price in the random swirl of randomness that makes up the big bang theory of random happenings that rule the universe and its randomly mutated, Darwineanly selected inhabitants?

I am too well-fed to be deprived – the internal layer of fortification that circles my midriff is ancient protection from the vicissitudes of life – insurance, a hedge for my survival.

That protective fat layer knows nothing of the demands of the twenty-first century.

It only knows the ancient need to procreate, and is attempting to ensure that I will have the reserves – even if I no longer have the necessary equipment, the means, the opportunity, or the desire.

The last thing I would ever, ever consider doing is adding to the lives I already bear the guilt of creating, the horrors I have foisted onto this unsuspecting planet of humanity.

I’m sorry. I did the best I could, and it wasn’t enough.


299: Randomness: From Other People

God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. Really? And you were there to verify this? For all you know, there were only two women at first, and they reproduced asexually. That’s MY theory, and I’m sticking to it.

The theory of Evolution is just that…a theory. So is the Big Bang Theory. Since none of us were there to tell the tale, let’s just all accept that it happened, and let it go at that. OK?

Children are unfair punishment for sex. REALLY. Then don’t have any – problem solved.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.  And kill off anybody who does not live by this rule. Oh, wait a minute………..

Dragonflies are awesome. ANY creature that feeds on mosquitoes I am a big fan of. Even bats.

Frog legs, turtle toes, chicken lips, and lizard elbows. (Snack table at the monster ball.)

“You can’t believe all the quotes you read on the Internet.” Ben Franklin

From this day forward, I accept a late paper from a student only with a $1,000 dollar fine. And then, it only counts for half credit. That should fix the problem.

Cats provide interesting life lessons. One of them is this one: if all else fails, take a nap. I like cattitude.

Morocco has crazy taxi drivers and even crazier regular drivers. Really, the most dangerous thing you can do in Morocco is be on the road – driving OR walking.

School is a great place for do-overs. Life usually isn’t.

Men and women are not of the same species. SERIOUSLY. Not even remotely. At all.

Home-grown tomatoes are exquisite – and so is home-grown spinach. Pretty much anything home-grown beats something purchased at the market. Grow a garden – at least as long as the government will allow you to do so…….

Housework and homework stink. That’s why they are called work. Otherwise, they’d be called housefun and homefun.

Cats and dogs are smarter than people. Don’t think so? Whose pet are YOU?

268: Random Thoughts, no hallucinogens involved

What would it be like to taste things with your feet, like flies do? Would we still wear shoes, or not?

How would wings actually attach to your shoulders if you could fly like a bird?

How have we evolved and advanced since every human born starts from scratch all over again? I teach, and the process of dealing with adolescents really makes you think about the fact that we just don’t live long enough to re-make ALL the mistakes all over again.

I could get sooooo much done if only I did not have to sleep. Or eat.

Why is love so HARD?? Is it supposed to be this way? Or have we just messed it up? (We are pretty good at that, you know – look at the world!)

Why are animals so much more rewarding than most people? Is it so we will adopt them? Or is it that they are smarter than us? (I have often thought enviously of my cat’s life…….)

How much is TOO much, and how do you know it is too much?

Why are we all cute when we are babies – is that so we adults let them live??

Why do some animals eat their young – is that just disgusting, or actually pretty smart?

What sort of dictator would I be?

Would I choose to do the right thing even if it would cost my life, or would I choose to live instead?

Since nobody starts out with the goal to be a drug addict, why do we have so many of them?

Is God like a kid with a magnifying glass sitting beside an ant hill, or what? He has sure been a lot kinder to this ant than this ant deserved…..

111: Random Thoughts

Who gets to decide? Why should those people who are deciding be the ones who get to decide?

Why do insects have six legs while arachnids have eight, and some other creatures have none at all?

Why is what the imams do at prayer call NOT called singing?

WHY is the first call to prayer at the ungodly hour that it is called? Is it because that is the time to get up and milk the cows?

Why does nobody call you until you get in the shower, or are doing something you don’t want interrupted – why do they always call THEN?

Why is there always too much month left at the end of the money?

Why do girls like shiny things? We are like magpies, for heaven’s sake!

Why is gold so valuable? Why not iron, which is actually much more useful?

Why is it that men can NEVER see the crumbs on the counter? Is it genetic? *I* can see them, why can’t he?

Why does at least ONE cat always have to accompany me when I go to the bathroom? What is so fascinating about that to them?

How come humans can’t fly like birds do? And why do birds have snake-skin legs?

Why are donkeys so cute and so stubborn?

Why don’t humans have fur, like most other mammals?

43: More Randomness

How random is random?

You never know when something you say will lift or harm someone: be careful what you say.

Do my cats really love me, or am I just a source of food? They come and rub on me when I DON’T have food, is that proof?

Since we have no way to actually, unarguably VERIFY how the world began, why do we waste time arguing about how it happened? Why not just accept that it did happen, and go on from there?

Is ADD a handicap, or an advantage?

Why does the thought of an electrical outage bring on a panic attack because there will be no TV, no computer, no stereo, no fridge, no water, no videos, no movies, etc., etc., etc.? We are still breathing, right?

Speaking of breathing, it is NOT an academic activity. Just because you show up for class and contribute to the hot air in the room, that does NOT mean you are passing my class. Dodo.

Is religion a handicap, or an advantage?

Terrorist Islamist: why are you so threatened by MY religion that you want to kill everyone who practices it? If YOUR religion is so great, why are you not confident that I will “see the light” and convert to your religion?

If Jews are so bad, consider this: nobody has to worry about THEM on an airplane.

No adult can look adult and businesslike with a lollipop stick sticking out of their mouth. So why does a cigarette not give the same childish impression? Just because it is on fire? What sane person puts burning things in their face?

Never order spaghetti or fried chicken on a first date. And if he takes you to McDonald’s for the first date, think twice.

If you think EVERYONE is weird, maybe you’d better check your mirror. If EVERYONE thinks you are weird, ditto.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and think: I’m going to squeeze these dangly things and drink what comes out?

Why is being female more trouble than it is worth? Some days, anyway!! Is that also true for being a guy, or are they ridiculously happy all the time, like they look like they are?

29:Random thoughts

What if animals really are talking to each other? What are they saying about ME?

Why does it take two people to reproduce? I think we each need a switch, and BOTH switches have to be set to OK for a baby to result from sex. That way, both future parents have to agree on having a baby before one results from the activity. Until both switches are set to OK, it is just practice. Would that be a help or a hindrance to society? Would there be more babies or less?

What if we did not need to sleep? WOW. What I could get done.

What if we had an alternate method of reproduction – like, say shaking hands? That would sure make it easier to go to the bathroom whenever you needed, since those body part places would no longer be associated with sex. We’d have to come up with a new greeting, though. Maybe sniffing crotches like dogs? EEEUUUWWWwww. Never mind.

What if we did not need to eat, but got our nourishment from the sun, water and air, like plants do? What kinds of changes would THAT make in our world?

What if there was no money, and everyone returned to bartering for things they wanted and needed?

What if there was a third sex? What would they be like?

What if we got new babies from the supermarket, like groceries? What if they did not cost anything to get, you just got to choose one? How many should a person be allowed to choose? As many as they like, or should there be a limit?

What if we had wings, and no longer needed other forms of transportation? What would happen to donkeys if that came to pass? How would that affect the rest of our world, because oil would be worthless except for by-products like petroleum jelly, and heating for homes. And how much Vaseline can anybody use, anyway?

What if we could smell as well as dogs smell? Would that do away with illegal drugs, because everybody could tell?

What if we did have eyes in the back of our heads? I’d have to change my hairstyle.

What if we were all nice to everyone else?