Top Ten Review of Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Number 10 – There are no women in this book
Number 9 – We learn you can start a fire with your spectacles. Yeah, we watched Survivor.
Number 8 – They are obsessed with pigs.
Number 7 – We learn that dancing will make you a savage – which explains why Baptists don’t allow it.
Number 6 – They set fire to the island….twice.
Number 5 – You can worship anything….literally anything.
Number 4 – A private place all to yourself is very, very valuable.
Number 3 – They are on an island, and nobody thinks to fish for food.
Number 2 – We learn that a diet of fruit will upset your stomach….duh.
And, finally number ONE: We are shown that boys are total animals, which girls already knew.
And also, the neighbor –
after three consecutive days of party hearty into the wee hours (and beyond into daybreak)
was cleaning up the beer-and-BBQ debris, followed by
a tiny white kitten, whom, when questioned about this tiny fur person,
answered “He’s yours,”
despite the fact (which he already knows full well)
that I already possess four kitty people who all call me mom, AND
who displayed (knowing this would cinch the adoption) this tiny baby’s open sores
to my shocked gaze, ensuring the little fellow would be able to (instantly) claim a new mama.
His white fur has cafe-o-lait color smudge clouds, topped by an erect dark pencil tail and startling intensely blue eyes and
also, he stands in the food bowl, frantically kneading the kibble,
purring madly while scarfing bikkies as fast as he can,
because he is unsure if the food will last, like a shipwreck survivor, which
in a way,