Don’t expect trust and openness when you have dished out hurt and suspicion.
Don’t expect acceptance when you have dished out disrespect.
Don’t expect me to be bigger than you, and more accepting than you, and being willing to take more ‘wrongness’ than you just because I am who I am
and despite the fact that I have done so in the past
that does not mean that I am willing to continue in the error of my ways.
The worm has turned.
There are those people who are important
to me, and those who are important to you.
I trust your judgment even when
I do not trust those who are important to you.
In this, this important life that lives between us, I am not central and
you are not central. The life that lives between us, and binds us heart-to-heart,
Because of you, I choose to respect those who are important to you,
to honor the life between us.
To honor you.
Trust and honor are words.
They reflect ways of thinking and acting ethically
even when others don’t.
Trust can be killed –
and when it has been, resurrecting it
is a miracle of time and hard work.
Honor cannot be killed.
It can be betrayed
as true when it is not.
Both trust and honor are earned
by those who revere them
by those who don’t.
There is one problem with making up with someone. Even though whatever you or they, or you BOTH did is discussed, compromised upon, and/or outright forgiven – it is never, ever, never, never ever, ever never, forgotten.
This is true with a friend, an acquaintance, a girl- or boy-friend, you name it: even a family member, immediate or removed. Things are never the same again. This issue, whatever it was, and even though it is now resolved, will always be there to think about whenever anything else comes up that requires trust from either you or from them.
This is doubly true with a spouse. Especially if the issue is one of fidelity. Even if the nasty never happened – it was just “thought about.” One partner who was “thinking about” another person in THAT way is just a problem now. Even though the other partner (that would be ME) is willing to forgive and forget, they are lying about the forget part. I know darn good and well that I am. Lying about the forget part, I mean. I might remind myself over and over that I forgave that lapse, but it won’t ever go away, and it will rear its ugly head every time there is an occassion in the future when I am supposed to trust my partner. Before I just did. Not now. I might make myself do it anyway, but the trust is gone. And *I* didn’t do it.