540: How do you KNOW?

When there is a decision to be made, how do you know which of the available options to choose? HOW do you know? HOW are you sure? HOW do you know which option among the possible options is the best one to choose? HOW do you know that you are not making a mistake?

The fact is, you don’t know.

You can make the best possible choice among the available options, and still have things absolutely blow up in your face. You can make a very poor choice, and God can still arrange things to turn out right in the end, anyway. You might be the committed one, honest, and sincere in thought, word, and deed. If the other person (people) are not of the same commitment, something that is entirely beyond your control, BTW, things stand a very good chance of not working out positively.

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The cruel fact is, you don’t know. Life was never promised to be fair, equitable, acknowledging of your efforts, or affirming. Happiness is not promised. Fulfillment as an individual is not promised, either.

So – do you give up? Many do.

Giving up looks attractive, especially after yet another major defeat. Giving up guarantees one thing – you won’t win. You have to be in the game to win. You can’t win if you sit it out. Plus, realize that not everyone who is in the game wins.

If fulfillment is your goal, you must be stubborn as a mule and not give up. Even when you are slapped down once again, you cannot, ever, never give up. Be the ethical and moral person that you know yourself to be and keep going. Rest when you must. Recharge your spent batteries. But don’t quit.

How do you know you’ve won? Making peace with all that went before is one clear indicator. Being at peace with yourself is another.

 

Oh, snap

Oh, no you didn’t.

Oh, yes you did.

You tore me a new one with your public lecture on love and tolerance, understanding and acceptance.

Let me ask you something…..

was I a safer target because I am not the one paying your monthly bills for you, so you felt entitled?

At least you remembered the first rule of leeches – don’t bite the hand that feeds you

(even though that hand paying your bills for you holds the same views you blasted me for).

Let me ask you something else, Miss Jayna, second iteration……

How’s your grandfather Ken? How’s the decades-old friend Tonya?

Or any of the other half-dozen or so people that I personally know you have cut cold out of your life, not to mention the ones I don’t know about?

How’s that crown of love and tolerance, understanding and acceptance sitting on your self-righteous little head?

You have a lot to learn, Miss Judgmental.

And I, for one, am giving you the room to learn it.

I apologize that I asked anything of you, and profoundly regret doing so.

It will not happen again.

 

536: Endings

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Some things end peacefully, easily, smoothly, calmly. *Some* things end that way, but my life (and my luck) don’t usually work out like that. When something ends, quite often, it isn’t nice. Quite often when something ends, it is downright painful. And no, I am not talking about ordinary, everyday things like the ending of a meal, or the ending of a novel (although, truth be told, I’ve had a few of those cause me some angst, too). The endings I am discussing are a little bigger. Things like relationships, jobs, chapters of life, lives themselves (whether human or animal).

When something big ends, it is seldom a smooth, painless process, even when it is a necessary, unavoidable, or even a healing process. There is still some stuff to sort, and some more stuff to deal with. I always said lessons cost you time, money, or both. That’s true, but they also frequently cost you pain in addition to the time and/or money. Some things are so traumatic they trigger Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which by the way, has nothing to do with war. It is any traumatic event that you are unable to process and get beyond, and you relive it in all its horror over and over. Thankfully, for most of us, those events do dull with a reasonable amount of time and we can move on. But an accident, surgery, a rape, a mugging – any event that traumatizes you can cause it.

You’d think I’d get used to it by now, these endings, and it would not be such a big deal every time one of them happens. ¬†As if the process and the maturity of understanding it makes it hurt any less.

Meh.