what we had (and it was good, too)
over your choices
I will not
I won’t blame you or me.
I am taking my lessons
and moving on
to bigger and better things.
I refuse to give up.
there are billions (fish in the sea)
of people on this planet
I will, I have, I did
Praise God, there is more.
And I am taking it.
I don’t always choose what happens
but I choose how I will respond.
What I will say, what I will do
and what I won’t.
I choose in the best and in the worst
how I will think, how I will be.
I will choose.
I have chosen.
I belonged to someone else.
There is a small space for them even now.
I belong to you now.
That space that is theirs still remains.
That place helped make me the one who is yours.
Don’t fear that space.
Don’t be jealous of that which was, and remains.
I visit it from time to time
to remind myself why
now and forever more
You are the man.
The drive, the force, the strength.
I am the woman.
The receptacle, the pliable, the resilient.
You are mine
in the way that I am yours.
What I am complements what you are.
What you need, I seek to supply.
What I need, you supply.
We feed each other
in a daily dance of respect and honor.
You lead me to the great I Am.
I lead you to the well.
We share, each other.
We share, worship.
We share, sacrament.
I am willing to allow someone new into my future.
What is far, far more
is being willing to allow this someone into my past, too.
My future is a clean slate,
waiting to be written on.
My past is a failing essay,
covered with erasures, cross-outs, errors, red ink corrections
and filled with illogical mistakes and shameful language.
To let him into my future was scary but I did it,
because I have hope in spite of my fear.
To let him into my past
took all the courage I have.
And it means being more naked
than I have ever, ever been.
I like birthdays – when they are someone else’s.
The whole Happy Birthday song, the cake, the candles, the prezzies, the gathering of friends: cool beans.
When the day is mine.
The gathering of friends part I enjoy, as long as the focus is not on me. Meh.
The fastest way to get me to do something, posthaste, is to tell me I can’t do it…and then laugh at me. Bulldozer in action, coming right up.