What is enough?
What is excess – what is not enough?
Can I trust this yearning inside that tells me
yes, this is lacking, and no, that is surfeit?
There is no better judge, no better measure
than resides in this heart
that beats in this breast
in this body
that is the center of my personal universe.
There can be no better understanding
as that is the only understanding
I will ever, ever know.
Trusting what is within me
to be enough.
I have the opportunity to go see a production of Oscar Wilde’s play, “The Importance of Being Earnest,” here in Panama City, at an educator’s discount on the tickets. Sounds like a nice evening out, and I like the play, anyway. It actually has a moral. *GASP*
I don’t understand what is so wrong with an entertainment production having a moral. It used to be that, from TV shows to the evening news, the entertainment industry emphasized the betterment of mankind. They taught the good and proper way things should be done, and portrayed the people who did not respect those values as the bad guys, ultimately punished by fate or the law (or both). Now, just between you and me and the bedpost, we all know that real life is not like that in every case. Often, it is like that, but we all know of cases where the bad guy profits by his crimes, and escapes the reckoning of justice – at least during this life, where the rest of us can watch.
Karma (and God) sometimes is kind, and lets us watch the comeuppance of miscreants. Sometimes, though, we have to trust that the wheels of God’s justice grind exceedingly small, and we have to have the faith that He is dealing with the do-badders once their earthly lives are over. And you know what? That is fine by me. It is like when I turn over a child to the principal who has severely misbehaved in my class – at that point, I have turned the problem over to a higher power – and however they choose to deal with the problem is their business, not mine any longer. I look at God as the principal in the sky – an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-knowledgeable principal, judge and executioner of justice who is the wisest of them all.
Let’s face it, sometimes that is all the satisfaction I will get out of SOME situations – knowing by faith that God is gonna settle it, by and by.
Some people reading this title will think I am writing about divorce, and am now contemplating marriage with my second wife. Well, since I am female…not. Now you might be thinking that I am contemplating marriage with a previously divorced or married man, so that I am wife number two….not. I am already married, and yes, he is husband number two (no pun intended), since my first husband dropped dead one fine day (not) about thirteen years ago. This second husband of mine has an ex, but this is not that scenario, either. What has occurred is that the judge here in Morocco has determined that my husband has filled out enough paperwork (just ONE more paper, please sir, to get and bring next time) to obtain his approval to get married. Again. And not to me, his first wife, because that would be stupid, since we are already married.
He has picked out a second wife.
I am not kidding.
You see, in Morocco, which is an Islamic country and culture, a well-to-do man can have up to four wives. I find myself curiously ambivilent about this. I have often, over the years, commented facetiously that what I really need in my life is a wife. Well. Be careful what you say. No kidding.
The thing is, this woman is really very sweet. It would be like kicking a puppy. AND, she is not stupid. She has apparently cottoned on to the fact about who is the major wage-earner in our family: me. When she comes by the apartment, I cannot pick up a broom, or touch a cleaning rag. The apartment is spotless. Much cleaner, in fact, than when my stay-at-home husband cleaned it. Men have this genetic defect that prevents them from “seeing” dust, crumbs, clutter, and that the toilet paper roll is empty. Women who live with a man know this already. My home has been cleaner since he picked her than ever before. I admit this is nice, I’m just not sure it is worth sharing my husband to achieve.
We’ll see. She still has to get her paperwork approved.