678: Asking for help and control

Luke 18:1-8

New International Version

The Parable of the Persistent Widow

18 Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. ² He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. ³ And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

⁴ “For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, ⁵ yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

⁶ And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. ⁷ And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? ⁸ I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

May the Lord add His blessings to the reading of His word.

This parable Jesus told of the widow and the unjust judge gives us a comparison between Earth and Heaven. The unjust judge is Earth. Things, or people, of Earth have no reason to do good things for us. The unjust judge doesn’t care about us. The unjust judge is busy with his own concerns, as our society is also doing. The world is not focused on giving me what I want – it’s not even focused on giving me what I need.

The widow in this story had a legitimate need. The unjust judge (the world) just didn’t care. The world, like the unjust judge, does not care that you have a legitimate need.

This widow, however, was persistent. She didn’t give up. She kept coming, and she kept asking.

Scripture tells us we don’t get because we don’t ask. James 4: 2-3 says You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

I confess. I have struggled with this for years. This part of scripture really ticks me off. Excuse me. God is God, and He knows everything. HE KNOWS what I need. HE ALREADY KNOWS! Before I ask, HE KNOWS. And the scripture says, I don’t get because I don’t ask. Sheesh.

It isn’t like God needs me to tell him what it is that I need. Often I think He’s probably up in Heaven shaking His head over the stupid stuff I ask for – the scripture in James says we ask for the wrong motives and THAT’S surely enough Biblical truth, right there, and another whole sermon all in itself. God does not need me to tell him what I need based on my requests when I pray. So, why should I have to ask when HE KNOWS?

Well, number 1, just because He said to ask, that’s why. God is God. If HE wants something, He wants it, period. It does not matter what I think, because you know what? I am not God. He wants what He wants – and it is my job to obey.

Number 2, God wants us to ask because we humans, including me, have a nasty habit of just accepting good stuff when it happens as just good stuff that happens. We forget where our good stuff is coming from, because I can guarantee you, it isn’t coming from the world.

Don’t get me wrong, God has abundantly blessed me with good things far beyond what I ever have deserved based on my words, actions, or existence as a human being, far beyond what I’ve ever deserved or earned. And still, I look back and I am ashamed to admit, I far too often didn’t acknowledge His generosity and goodness when those blessings occurred. THIS is why God tells us to ASK. When you ask someone for something and get it, you KNOW where it came from, and it wasn’t just a freak of nature or some circumstance, or just good luck – what do you think “good luck” is, anyway?

When you have ASKED, you know darn good and well where that blessing came from and you are a whole lot more likely to remember to say thank you for the gift, aren’t you?

So, for my hard-headed self, God wants me to ASK. And this story about the widow and the unjust judge is one more time Jesus explains to us hard-headed humans that God wants us to ASK.

A lot of us act like God in Heaven is sitting on His throne and He suddenly turns to His angels and yells, “OM Goodness, did you see what just happened to Dianne? Quick! Convene the Advisory Council immediately – we gotta do something about this right now!”

Even saying it sounds stupid, right? And even though we all know that’s not how God does things, quite often we ACT like that’s how God does things. Nope. That’s how WE do things.

God is not panicked by the stuff that happens to us. It’s all under his control, and even when we do not understand it, God is never surprised by stuff that happens and He is totally able to handle it all by Himself – even when He allows us to help sometimes because we need it as part of what we need to learn. There’s another whole sermon all by itself, too.

Last Sunday, our Sunday School lesson started out with a story about a man who was standing on a beach, in front of the crashing waves. He had his back turned to the glorious sight and sound of the waves foaming towards the shore. He stood, turned away from the sight and sound of the mighty ocean with a seashell pressed up against his ear – trying to hear the sound of the ocean in the shell – while he was standing in front of the real thing with his back turned toward it, seeking the pale imitation of the ocean in an object he could control. If that’s not a metaphor for the human race, I don’t know what one is.

It is a metaphor for me and my journey. I like feeling like I am in control, even though realistically, I am aware that I control nothing, not even my next breath. I still like feeling as though I am in control of myself and my circumstances. I don’t have to control others and everything, just me and my circumstances. And when I humble myself and ask someone else for help with something (even when I ask God for it), I am acknowledging that I am not in control, and I do not like that one teeny tiny little bit.

Early on, I learned at great cost that if I cannot get it done on my own, it usually just doesn’t happen, because I learned that I can depend on no one. Husband One would do anything for anybody else that he could do, and everyone thought he was a great guy – and THEY didn’t have to live with him. He would do anything he could do for anybody else. I learned if I didn’t do it, it didn’t get done. I learned not to even bother to ask. It took quite some time, but I had two decades to learn that lesson very, very well.

I learned it so well that it affected my relationship with God Himself. God was waiting for me to unlearn what I had learned from my husband, and instead, for me to learn to ask my loving Father in Heaven for what I needed. Do you know how difficult it is to ask for help when you have been shown over and over and over that humbling yourself to ask for help, showing you are not in control and need someone else’s help, only to have them not help you? Asking for help is a learned skill for me, and I still suck at it.

This example of the unjust, uncaring judge who finally gave the widow the good thing helps me understand that if a judge who respects neither God Himself, or what the people think, can give a good thing to a woman with no other resource or recourse just because she is persistent enough to ask and keep asking, that my loving Heavenly Father will listen and respond to my asking because He actually DOES care about me.

All I have to do is ask. Even if it is hard to ask. God cares. He wants me to ask. So, I am learning to ask.

Last year, I had a very rough year at work. I didn’t respond well to the challenges, and I struggled to the point that I sought professional help. Yes, Christians can use counseling, too. Loving Jesus does not always mean that we will deal with challenges well, or even in a Christ-like manner. I certainly wasn’t handling my challenges well at all. So, I sought help and I began asking God to help me understand what lessons I needed to learn, and where He wanted me to improve.

See that passage in James says sometimes when we do ask, we ask for the wrong motives and when we ask for things with the wrong motives, we still don’t get, because what we are asking for isn’t in God’s plans for us in the first place, because what we are asking for isn’t what’s good for us in the first place.

I asked for what God wanted for me – what were His plans for me. I asked Him to forgive me for the times I let Him down last year (and before) and didn’t show others who I belonged to. I wasn’t a good example of grace under pressure. I didn’t do the right thing, too many times. I could have done better, He showed me where I could have done better, and I began working to incorporate those lessons into my thoughts and behavior. I began asking for what God wanted me to ask for – to seek His face and His will.

And things began to change. Since I had asked, and I knew whom I had asked, when those changes began to happen, I knew whom to thank. That tough job became a new job that’s still challenging, but it’s totally different from the job I had before and I praise Him daily for the change. Maybe the goodness of the change is not just the change of location, even though that’s part of it, to be sure – I suspect a lot of the improvement is the change He’s made in me. I thank Him for that, too.

Unlike the man on the beach who is trying to hear the ocean in the seashell he controls, I am learning to turn and face the ocean in all its fearsome, awesome beauty and power – and I am learning to appreciate the power of what I never could control in the first place. I am learning to ask for what God wants for me and for my family – my husband, my parents, my children and grandchildren.

And God, being God, is giving. And I, being His grateful child, am thanking Him every day, since I asked, and I know whom I asked and where these blessings are coming from.

This helps explain Jesus’ last question in this scripture passage, when He asks, “When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the Earth?” Will there still be those who seek to want what God wants, who want to ask God for what He wants for them, and who remember to thank Him for the blessing He provides? I plan to be one – how about you?

659: Ideas About Living

All of us are tasked with the process of living this life we have. We manage this with varying degrees of success (however you measure success, which is a whole ‘nother kettle of fish I am not touching).

Some of us (too many of us, in my opinion) are ended before we really have a chance to begin. Others have their brand new lives ended by a physical problem, an accident, or an illness in infancy – again, before they really  have a chance to live much of a life. Some, sadly, suffer the malice of another and are snuffed out of existence while still a baby, and others make it into childhood and get to experience some of the joy and anguish of living a life before one of those killers takes them out.

This is the luck of the draw – or part of the cosmic plan, given your philosophical leanings on the matter of our purpose in being alive. Some don’t get to grow up, and others choose not to grow up who do get to live long enough to make progress in that direction. We all can admit that getting older and bigger has absolutely nothing to do with “growing up,” or becoming a mature human being, right?

For those of us blessed enough (or lucky enough – or unlucky enough) to make it to the age of adulthood (maturity level notwithstanding), there is the question of how to live this life we have, and what shape and color our life is going to be, given our uniquely personal set of choices and experiences. Some of it we decide, and some of it is decided for us, and some of it just comes thundering out of nowhere and we deal with it the best we can. This happens for everyone. It’s different for everyone, which makes us all unique in our life path.

The nice part about this life living thing is that there is plenty of room in this world for all sorts of people, all living all sorts of lives. When the life you have chosen to live does not harm others, I have no issues with you and your choices. I may disapprove of the choices you make, but ultimately, those choices are yours to make. You won’t answer to me. Whether you will answer to someone or something other than me is a question of faith (and debate).

Where I have issues is with those who are earnestly convinced that they have the right of this living thing, and that their view of the right way should apply to all other persons, regardless of their beliefs of their experiences – and regardless of that other person’s ability, desire, or right to choose for themselves. I also have issues with those who sponge off of the effort of others, like parasites, in order to make their personal choices. Those choices DO negatively impact others who do not get the rewards for the work that they do.

What I can do about this is live my own life as ethically as I can, as much as I am able to control myself, growing and maturing into the best person I can be. And I can also live my life standing up to those who choose not to do the same.

 

626: Trying: better than NOT trying

I never considered the difference between moving on and moving forward, and it is, indeed, a profound difference!

Reminds me of the difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance is how we all start, and it is fixed with education and experience. Stupidity is a choice.

There’s also a difference also between living (existing) and trying. I am trying. That means I expend effort in doing, striving, reaching, creating, fixing, repairing, expanding – and not JUST my waistline.  🙂

How about you?

573: Unacceptable Risk

In America these days, there is no acceptable risk for something someone does not find useful to themselves.

We all get in our modes of transportation on a nearly daily basis, and willingly take the (rather significant) risk that our routine daily trip will not, this time, come to a horrible, bloody end. It does happen that way for many people the world over. We take that risk with nary a qualm.

We take other risks with insouciance, too.

Have you actually read the warning labels that come attached to most small appliances these days? Seriously? I think we should just improve the gene pool and leave these labels off, thanks very much. WHO showers while using their toaster? Or tries to dry their hair while still in the shower? The awful part is that SOME one obviously did it, or there would not be a warning label for the rest of us…who don’t actually need one, thanks.

I remember the prenatal class I took during my first pregnancy. They were very careful to warn us moms-to-be not to have sex (immediately after delivery) while we were still in the hospital.  I’m not too sure about the other moms, but that was a totally unnecessary warning for me – any man who got anywhere near me immediately after delivery had better have had a shot of morphine, not sperm. It wasn’t actually an experience I was looking forward to beginning all over again at that point, believe me. It took me nearly three YEARS to forget about how much better it felt going in than coming out. Once again, this warning prompts the question: WHO did such a thing, and was she conscious at the time? And as for risk, pregnancy and childbirth are still (even in this modern age) statistically pretty high risk endeavors, and still women do it all the time.

Risk. Actually, I take lots of risks when I get out of bed in the morning. Your home is full of mortal dangers: the electrical circuits, the bathtub, ceiling fans, the stuff crammed on the top shelf of the closet, the pets that weave in and out between your feet, assorted cleaning chemicals which can’t be combined (that bleach  and ammonia thing gets a few people every  year), food left on the counter, or saved a few days too long in the fridge….you  just don’t know all the stuff that can kill you once you take the risk and get out of bed.

Let’s just understand that risk is part of living. The only way to eliminate risk is to die – and then you have to hope that the funeral home dude isn’t a necrophiliac. You just don’t know – and at least, at that point, you just would not know (or care much, either).

Let’s get on with the business of living – and be mostly careful, without being nuts about it.

550: Overwhelmed and undervalued

The first year at a new job is generally more difficult than the succeeding years. You have the routine of the machine that is this particular organization (different one to the other) down to some manageable extent after the first year, and you somewhat know in advance what they are likely to dump into your already-busy lap, and know somewhat when they are likely to do it.

The reports that they wait (often) until the day they are due to tell you about (and sometimes the day after they are due) to tell you about. The routine processes that you need to know to perform your job on a daily basis, which they did not tell you in advance of performing that job, and left you to discover unpleasantly and then struggle to figure out on your own, or go crawling to someone who does know, confessing your ignorance and begging for a mini-lesson to get you up to speed.

The five different professional development courses, all running concurrently, that take up your 50 miserly minutes of precious planning time that you have each day – assuming there is not a parent conference scheduled, or an after-work meeting that you are required to attend, or an out-of-town meeting you are required to attend on what was supposed to be the time you have left over after work to actually live your life – assuming you actually have any such thing.

The planning you need to do so as not to appear a drooling, blithering idiot in the daily performance of your job (at least in the eyes of those observing, and YES, Virginia, they ARE observing).

All those things that were unwelcome surprises during the first year are familiar minor annoyances the second year, not panic-attack-times like they were that first hectic, far-too-busy, overloaded first year. The second year, you can look back on the chaos of the first and smile a little, knowing that you made it with your sanity largely (at least to casual observers) intact. So the second year is better. Somewhat.

None of that helps a whole lot while you are in the mentally and emotionally tense, gut-wrenching, hyper-ventilating maelstrom of the first year. *sigh*

506: TOO Short

Life is not nearly long enough. By the time most of us figure out how to live it well, it’s half over.

494: Cultural Clash

My expectations.

Your expectations.

Things that are done this way, or that way, just because they always have been.

Conscious living

is thinking about why I do what I do the way that I do it,

and why your way is different.

Not always better, not always worse,  but different.

Sometimes when we think it through, yours is better.

Sometimes, mine.

Sometimes, we choose different.

And sometimes, that’s really, really good.

383: Coming to Conclusions

Through circumstances not of my making, I have been husband-less for nearly a year. I left to start my new job in June of 2013. Except for a visit from him of about one month, I have been living alone in a four-bedroom house since then. It is now May of 2014.

What I have learned is that being by myself (four kitties notwithstanding) is that I do not in the least mind being by myself. I have not BEEN by myself before for any length of time. First I was a child with my family, then with roommates and housemates in college, then married, with children, then widowed with children, then re-married with children, married with children in college. Never alone. Until now.

I think I like it.

I don’t think that was the conclusion my husband hoped I’d reach.

I’ve reached it.

354: Retiring…..in MOROCCO????

Published February 25, 2014, in the Herald Leader, Fitzgerald, Georgia (USA) weekly newspaper.

Lately, most Islamic countries have been pretty much OFF the list as desirable places to live, work and retire. Political unrest is not attractive for those in the market for a place to live. This black eye, however, is undeserved in several cases, and Morocco is close to the top of the list as a pleasant place to consider living. Morocco is located in the upper north-western corner of the African continent. Morocco and the United States share a companionable history – did you know that Morocco was the first country to officially recognize the fledgling USA as a nation? Morocco is an Islamic country in that Islam is the official state religion, and the majority of its citizens are Muslim, but there are people of other faiths here as well, and tolerance is the theme, espoused and endorsed by Morocco’s progressive king, Mohammad VI, as well.

A lot of Morocco is hot, often too hot to be comfortable without expensive air conditioning. After all, the Sahara Desert begins in eastern Morocco, and hot was invented there!  However, Morocco has mountain ranges that run lengthwise down the middle of the country like a backbone: the Middle and High Atlas Mountains. In the Middle Atlas, you will find the lovely little city of Azrou. Azrou is a little less than a mile high in elevation, and has a comfortable climate that is much cooler than other locations in Morocco, even seeing some snow during the winter months. There is a ski resort in the neighboring town of Ifrane (10 miles away), which incidentally, is home to Morocco’s only English-speaking University (Al Akhawayn University). For those who enjoy winter sports, there are African slopes waiting!

And, unlike some other places, Morocco enjoys excellent water. Several brands of bottled mineral water originate near Azrou, and water here is delicious straight from the tap. Being in the mountains does no damage to the views, either! There are lovely, rolling hills all around Azrou, and the drive to either of the larger cities nearby, imperial Meknes (UNESCO World Heritage site) or imperial Fez (UNESCO World Heritage site) includes some breathtaking scenic spots begging for your camera. Meknes is surrounded by vineyards, and local wine produced there and elsewhere in Morocco is both tasty and relatively inexpensive.  There is a good selection at prices less than 10 USD a bottle. The extensive Roman ruins of Volubilis (yet another UNESCO World Heritage site) are a little over an hour’s drive away from Azrou.

Azrou adjoins one of Morocco’s National parks, and there are Barbary Macaques (monkey), that make their home there who are accustomed to being fed by park visitors, though for your safety consider photos only. Hiking, biking and camping opportunities abound nearby in nearly any direction, including being able to explore some nearby extinct volcano calderas and some lovely waterfalls. Outdoorsy people will find plenty to do.

My husband and I moved to Morocco knowing not a word of Arabic or French, the two most common languages spoken in Morocco, and we have done just fine here for three years. The Moroccans are lovely people, helpful and generous, and many speak enough English to be able to transact business, even for us Americans, and are appreciative when you do your best to learn and speak Arabic. Azrou is primarily a farming community, with a few tourist shops featuring handicrafts thrown in for good measure.  The weekly souk (farmer and flea market) here is on Tuesdays, with inexpensive,  fresh produce, all manner of household goods, clothing and livestock sold weekly, but anything you might want is also available from small shops all over town any day of the week. There is also a fish farm in town that sells smoked or fresh fish, dressed fresh to your order. Restaurants in town range from inexpensive sandwich shops (where you can eat for less than two dollars USD), to dining experiences featuring the finest in French cuisine, without the expensive European price tag.  Medical care and dental care both are good and inexpensive. My husband’s recent oral surgery cost us 125 USD, and his bridge will be made by a Boston University-trained dentist, for thousands less than what the identical services would have cost us back home.

Our two-bedroom, two-bath rooftop apartment, with a balcony and a private roof terrace, sets us back 1,500 Moroccan dirham a month, which is 176.50 USD.  Water, gas, electricity, phones and Internet run about 500 dirhams more a month: 63 USD more. We can do just fine here on much less than a thousand USD per month – our living expenses alone run about 650 USD, without including the costs of our small car, which accounts for the rest of the thousand per month. We bought the used car for our occasional trips around Morocco and to Spain, which has two toeholds, nice little cities, five hour’s drive away from Azrou along Morocco’s northern coastline.  Morocco has excellent, inexpensive bus service and the trains are quite nice, too, as well as inexpensive, for those who’d rather not maintain an automobile.

For those considering locations around the world for potential retirement, Morocco has a low cost of living, a good standard of living even on a limited budget, and a very nice proximity to vacationing in Europe, while not paying Europe’s often higher costs of living. A small, but efficient, regional airport in nearby Fez serves cities in Spain, Italy, London, Paris and more, on one of several low-cost carriers. Seasonal fares can be so low we can actually afford to fly to Rome for just the weekend, occasionally. Try THAT in the US! We had high hopes for Morocco when we made the decision to move, and it has certainly fulfilled them. If you are looking at international locations, consider exotic Morocco!

Resources:

Moroccan Arabic Phrasebook (2^nd ed.), Bacon, Andjar and Benchehda, 1999. Lonely Planet Publications, ISBN: 0864425864.

Moroccan consulate in New York: http://www.moroccanconsulate.com/, requirements for Moroccan visas and other information for travelers to Morocco.

US Embassy in Casablanca, Morocco: morocco.usembassy.gov/news.html, has hours of operation, directions, visa, passport information and more resources.

Friends of Morocco website: friendsofmorocco.org/, friendsofmorocco.org/

Above: Site has MANY useful links all about Morocco, in English – including links for learning Moroccan Arabic.

Learn Arabic free online: learnarabicfree.info/, learnarabicfree.info/

Above: Free Arabic lessons online. For beginners – starts with the alphabet!

Learn French free online: www.lsfrench.com/beginners2.html, http://www.lsfrench.com/beginners2.html

Above: Free online French lessons for beginners.

Map of Morocco: http://www.journeybeyondtravel.com/news/travel-morocco-map

260: Ishmael

This is a book, not a diatribe about the Muslim side of the Jewish family of Abraham/Ibrahim. Ishmael is a wonderful story that is far easier to read than Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring.” Ishmael is a gorilla who teaches his human student (yeah, I KNOW) all about how things came to be, and why humans are captives of our Mother Culture. If you can get past the novel’s premise (takes some doing) the persuasive essay that is this book is a pretty good one.

Everybody knows intellectually that we humans are doing a lot of destruction to the planet we live upon and share with countless other species, sentient and not. We already know this, whether you believe in Global Warming or not, as a theory. We ‘know’ this, in exactly the same way that a chain-smoker ‘knows’ that cigarettes stand a pretty good chance of killing you, we ‘know’ we are doing damage to the planet. And we ‘know’ this, and do absolutely nothing to help, and continue doing lots of harmful things.

This is not a diatribe against living a good life, either. I ALSO hate those people who decry harming animals while they are standing in their leather running shoes, wearing their leather belts, and kicking around their leather footballs, basketballs, soccer balls (etc), and eating their hamburgers or bacon and eggs. If you are going to preach, your hands need to be clean, people.

What I am saying is that deciding to help save the planet your feet walk upon is an individual choice, that probably should also be backed up by villages, municipalities, towns, cities, states, provinces, regions and nations – but probably won’t be. Each human walking needs to understand the mathematical concept of exponential change. I KNOW, math, ugh, but bear with me, people, and consider:

Start with one. One becomes two. Two becomes four. Four becomes eight, and then sixteen, and then thirty-two, and so forth, until finally, after admittedly a very slow start, we humans all come to realize that our planet is worth saving, and we start living like we know this fact. We “put out our last cigarette,” and we start living our lives like we actually do ‘know’ this fact.