393: GI Tract Reflections

Most of us don’t think too much about all of our internal workings. As long as they ARE working, that’s usually good enough. We don’t check up on the mechanism too often, until we hit the age of 50 and are introduced to our first joyous colonoscopy experience. Believe me, you will learn far more about your insides than you EVER wanted to know before, during, and after that time.

Last night, I had an intimate dance with my GI (gastro-intestinal) tract. I thought about my insides, literally, all night. All night is a particularly vulnerable time for most humans. We expect to be sleeping peacefully. We don’t expect to be jolted awake from a doze by violent warnings that an eruption is about to take place. Thank GOD, I was not awakened by the notification that a violent eruption HAD taken place.  However, the situation was grim enough that I put a towel in the bed under me, just in case. I am talking serious, even inflammatory, issues.

This dark-of-the-night suffering led to an intense personal reflection over the last several day’s activities, in a pathetic attempt to pinpoint what egregious alimentary error was responsible for this nine-hour ordeal I was going through (every twenty minutes), in hopes that I might forever avoid that food if I ever saw it again. I got to repeat this reflection process about twice an hour for the full duration. This problem LAUGHED at Immodium, the anti-diarrhea medicine that usually manages to nip violent food poisoning issues in the bud. LAUGHED. REPEATEDLY.

Thank God for petroleum jelly. I learned THAT trick while undergoing the aforementioned joyous colonoscopy experience. Just wait – your turn is coming……..

and as a helpful. public-service preview of this delightful procedure: http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html

 

 

392: Overwhelmed

HOW COME, in my life, that I cannot have just one part of it go to hell at a time? I can cope if work goes to crap, if the other parts are chugging along OK. I can manage if my family life takes a nosedive, if the other parts are OK. I can make it if the money runs out, so long as  the other stuff is fine. I can deal if my relationships go south, as long as the other parts of my life are running along smoothly. As long as it is only one part at a time, even if it is a significant part, I can handle it. I don’t like it, but I can cope.

WHY, oh, WHY, is it that it never happens that way? When one of those life compartments falls completely apart, all the other parts promptly get jealous about the attention it is getting, and like three-year old toddlers, throw a tantrum and go straight into the crapper as well. It is like your car – it KNOWS when you have an extra hundred dollars in the bank, and it will fall apart to get it. Every time. NEVER congratulate yourself that you have almost made it to the next payday and you still have a couple hundred bucks left…wheeze, gasp, rattle, bang, CLUNK. Oh, crap.

And GOD forbid you make the last payment on the credit card that pays the damn thing off………you will break a tooth, a leg, get pregnant (or get someone ELSE pregnant), the washer will die, a pipe will burst and flood the house, you will find termites, your kid will need an appendectomy or tonsillectomy (or BOTH)……………something will happen to blow that proud accomplishment all to pieces. I guaran-damn-tee it.

It is a good thing that God loves us. Just THINK how much worse it would be if the devil was in charge!

 

391:How Come? (no pun intended)

Why do people (read: men, mostly) in public positions, who have so very, very much to lose, engage in extra-marital sex? Why?

Some claim it is an addiction. Addictions are choices. You have to choose to try something, and choose it over and over and over, usually, to develop an addiction to it. You picked it, with a little help from some weak gene, perhaps, but – you picked it. Still your fault.

Some claim they were seduced. Duh. Sin is attractive (read: seductive), because no one would commit it if it was ugly, obvious and UNattractive. You chose to do it. Still your fault.

Some claim it was because their significant, legal choice for legitimate sex was unforthcoming with the goods. Sounds like a relationship problem you can work out with time, therapy and some serious romancing on your part – not to mention cleaning up the ugly parts of your life and character that are turning your significant other OFF to the point that they are not interested in you even touching them. And, if all those remedies are unproductive, you can divorce them and hook up (legally) with someone more compatible with your sex drive. Still your fault.

And SOME offer no redeeming ideas at all for their stupid, childish, undisciplined, sexually risky and career-risking behavior whatsoever. STILL YOUR FAULT.

390: Advice to Those in Power

To: Islam (all the time), to: the United States (more than half the time) and to: all people wielding political power in office:

If your ideas only have merit when and because you are using force –

you have already lost.

389: You IDJIT

There have been times this epithet has been directed at other people. I admit it  – sometimes other people are just plain stupid. So there.

More frequently, lately, this scorching has been aimed squarely at…………………………………………..me.

Ding dong dag nab it, sometimes I win the trophy. Queen bee idjit. Tiara and all.

I know when I’ve done it, too – there is that oh-no second when I realize it is too late, right before the snot hits the fan and delivers a smooth spatter to the universe. The cringe of full knowledge – eyup, that was me, blazing a trail where few had trod before, dammit, and none will (willingly) tread after.  *sigh*

Most of my idjit difficulties appear to stem from the undeniable fact that I cannot keep my big mouth SHUT. Can. NOT. Do. It.

If I am thinking it (and I occasionally do have some good thoughts, even if I do say so myself), it goes immediately to the superhighway of speech before I can warn my tongue about the speed trap ahead. And there is no calling it back once it is out there. Unlike a fart that can be politely ignored, or better yet, blamed on someone else, there is little possibility of unclaiming something I have just announced to the wide world. Brain farts converted to speech farts can NOT be passed off on somebody else, dammit. I know. I’ve tried – no dice.

This diarrhea-of-the-mouth problem I have does not include secrets – I just want to help solve any problems I hear about, so I get myself into trouble trying to help fix things. Sometimes the idjit trophy arrives squarely at my door that way, too.

So, excuse me while I adjust my tiara and march off-stage with my trophy: Miss Idjit, Universe level.

388: FB

I have a Facebook account. I am not proud of that fact.

I joined up four years ago, when I sold all my belongings and left the USA to live and work abroad. It was the easiest way I could think of to share photos with family and friends in the USA. That’s how it all started.

If I could have managed to just post photos, everything might have been different. If. IF.

However. Once I began to actually read what people were writing, the snit hit the fan, and splattered everywhere. It’s a little like Ron White on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour: I had the right to remain silent, I just did not have the ability.

Facebook allows people to express their views, which is a good thing, except when I read them. Then it is not a good thing. I am a teacher by profession. Teachers teach, it is what we do. So, when someone makes an error, I teach. Dammit.

I don’t have TIME for Facebook!

 

 

387: Misdirection, Diversion, Bait-and-switch, Spin

I ran across a video slamming people who say that immigrants are sinking the country (you pick whichever country you like). For starters, every country has immigrants, except for those actively involved in a war, and even then, they get mercenaries. Immigration is the influx of people who are migrating to try and improve their lives. Any geography or history textbook will tell you about this topic, and the causes of it. People migrate due to environmental factors (drought and famine), war, medical reasons (plagues come to mind), for financial reasons (government implosion and mass inflation), and for political reasons (Barack Obama got elected – TWICE).  That last reason is why I migrated from the USA.

What I see from the news coming out of America is that they are masters of diversionary tactics, these Obama-drones, as are most other liberal policy followers. You have to be a master of spin to keep believing in failed liberal policies, now, don’t you? Especially to keep promoting said failed liberal policies to inexperienced new generations of people who also believe they know better than anyone else, and therefore, should be running the world. That’s why we call it young AND STUPID. That problem is usually fixed with time and experience.

This particular video: http://www.upworthy.com/next-time-someone-tells-you-that-immigrants-are-destroying-our-country-show-them-this?c=reccon1, goes into exquisite detail about how immigrants are not destroying the nation. Guess what? This nation was founded upon immigrants. Period. Of course immigrants are not the problem.  Immigrants are not the problem.

The problem with immigrants, any sort of immigrants, is not the ones who come legally into a country and work, start a business, raise a family, attend school, pay taxes, employ people. The problem is the ones who don’t do it legally, and the politicians who cater to a segment of the population that are not citizens of the nation they were elected to serve.

This sort of video does not address the problem with immigrants. Legal immigrants have the right. The problem with immigrants is that illegal ones, breaking the law, ALSO have the rights – and should not have.

 

386: 10 Things YOU Will Learn If You Become a Teacher

10. You will discover where patience comes from – from multiple, multiple, multiple opportunities to practice it. Every day, every hour of every day – some days, every minute of every hour.

9. You will discover a little of what being a mom is about (at least from 8 until 4) in that you will NEVER, EVER, NEVER have enough time to do what you need to do, much less what you want to do. Just do the best you possibly can, and the rest waits until tomorrow – or you can cheat and work on it at home, too……………

8. Organization. You will learn to be organized….or you will die. Beneath the huge, towering pile of papers.

7. How not to panic. You will learn that most things are not red, white or blue emergencies (red = blood, white = ’bout to vomit, blue = not breathing) and that being calm helps everyone around you be calmer and not scream quite so much, too. AND they will teach you what to do about the red, white and blue ones.  Really, they will. I promise.

6. You will learn to live on less money. You will have more vacation time, but no money to go anywhere. Meh.

5. You will learn first-hand about second chances and mercy, neither of which are deserved, and both of which you will occasionally dispense in the process of forging responsible, independent adults out of what you started with, which defies description, in some cases. Most cases.

4. You will discover and marvel at the incredible diversity of small humans. Every day. Even within the same child.

3. You will wish you could help more of them who so very obviously need someone to love them, at least more than they are getting. Every day.

2. You will learn how to keep your mouth shut, and you will learn when you can’t keep your mouth shut, and you will learn when you should NOT keep your mouth shut.

1. You will plumb the depths of your knowledge, your craftiness, your strength, your compassion, your flexibility, your stubbornness, your creativity, and your humanity, and discover that you are far more than you ever thought you were. That’s why.

 

 

Johnny Express – Best Animation of 2014 [video]

Wow. I see why this won an award. It is funny and frightening all at the same time!

DUMMR.com

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385: Raising Livestock

At my home here in Panama, I raise livestock. I have chickens for eggs and meat, rabbits for meat and sheep for meat and cash. Livestock, while still lovable and entertaining, are not pets. I name the breeders: the moms and dad who are the foundation. Their offspring I do not name, because they are for the table. That moms, plural, is not a typo. There is a single dad. There are multiple moms. I am running an Islamic animal society: multiple wives. Lots of women is desirable, but you only need one man. The rest of the men you EAT. For DINNER. With sauce, spices, and HERBS.

If you are an animal man, life is either short and sweet, or long and satisfying (but only if you are a very lucky and EXCEPTIONALLY handsome man who is gentle with your wives). Most animal men end up with a life that is  short and sweet, since one male is sufficient for the needs of the livestock owner´s multiple females.  Since one male is enough and feed costs are an issue, most males are extra, and end up as dinner after a short time.  You do need to change him out (trade him to another farmer) every other year or so, so he does not breed his own daughters (yuck).

 

The ladies, however, live long and productive lives. The only ones of THEM you eat are the ones who don´t make good mommies. If you are a girl, your chances of a long life are pretty good. You don´t, however, usually get to choose your spouse. It does not appear to bother them a whole lot. They don´t seem to mind.  It is pretty much the same situation in the wild, except there, it is the bully who gets to be the husband to all the available ladies. At least I choose a husband who is gentle.

April 30,  Linda gave birth to twin lambs. The herd is growing! The chickens are getting their own outdoor pen soon, and the rabbits need another lady bunny to be a wife to the second male breeder bunny.

So far, the livestock has pretty much been all cost and no benefit, but that is normal whenever you start raising animals. The youngsters have to grow up and mature enough to reproduce before you begin to see returns on your investment. Since I have been in Panama only a few months, I am not there yet.  SOON!!