Talk to me.
Speak volumes to me, simply by your presence, in your silences, in
the steady regard of those deep hazel eyes.
Those precious times when conversation stalls into pregnant silence as my hazel eyes breathlessly lock with yours.
I can read where your thoughts have traveled, there in those green-brown pools.
The most excellent part of that journey is that I am already there waiting for you.
Come for me.
The subconscious is that primal being living inside of us that does not rise to the surface of our waking awareness. Some of us call it our intuition. Some call it dreams, or visions, things you just “know.” It is that back-of-the-neck hair raising premonition that lets you know something is very wrong. It is instinct. We all have it, but we learn to squash it, and to “logically” override what that ancient knowledge is telling us.
Here lately, for at least the last two months, I have been coming into contact with the subconscious me, who apparently is intent on getting OUT where I will pay it some attention. It is doing this by preventing me from falling asleep – literally trying to verbally communicate with its obstinate host.
As I relax into the arms of Morpheus, and enter that twilight zone just prior to being actually asleep, I am being awakened by a sound, which, when I come fully awake, I realize is ME, making an effort to speak. WTF? Warnings from beyond the pale? I have never (well, virtually) spoken in my sleep.
This happens repeatedly, as many as a dozen times before I finally manage to tip the balance and get to sleep. No dreams in months, just other-worldly phantom speech. This is weird. This is new. Now, admittedly, this is the two-month period when I have been under some considerable stress and uncertainly, changing jobs and moving to a new country, settling in and being ill with my first cold in the new location. I am sincerely hoping that as things settle and a routine develops that the voice from beyond will relax its urgent warnings. I could use the sleep!
Life is a lot like blogging, as long as you are a reflective thinker. Things happen, you think about them, and you write about them on your blog, explaining them to yourself, sometimes. Most times. I do it like that, anyway, even if you don’t.
I include events, thoughts, actions, observations, jokes, ideas, occasions, hurts, insults, praises, and other routine and not-so-routine things that happen. They are laid bare for the world (OK, maybe not the WORLD) to see here, and to comment upon, should someone feel so moved. I think about things, and I process them here.
Sometimes, these ruminations upon the cosmos clarify what I think about the events in question, and sometimes the thought process just muddies the waters. Regardless, I feel as though I have made some progress in my own understanding of the world in general, and of me in specific, through utilization of this method. It is reason enough to continue, no?
There have been times this epithet has been directed at other people. I admit it – sometimes other people are just plain stupid. So there.
More frequently, lately, this scorching has been aimed squarely at…………………………………………..me.
Ding dong dag nab it, sometimes I win the trophy. Queen bee idjit. Tiara and all.
I know when I’ve done it, too – there is that oh-no second when I realize it is too late, right before the snot hits the fan and delivers a smooth spatter to the universe. The cringe of full knowledge – eyup, that was me, blazing a trail where few had trod before, dammit, and none will (willingly) tread after. *sigh*
Most of my idjit difficulties appear to stem from the undeniable fact that I cannot keep my big mouth SHUT. Can. NOT. Do. It.
If I am thinking it (and I occasionally do have some good thoughts, even if I do say so myself), it goes immediately to the superhighway of speech before I can warn my tongue about the speed trap ahead. And there is no calling it back once it is out there. Unlike a fart that can be politely ignored, or better yet, blamed on someone else, there is little possibility of unclaiming something I have just announced to the wide world. Brain farts converted to speech farts can NOT be passed off on somebody else, dammit. I know. I’ve tried – no dice.
This diarrhea-of-the-mouth problem I have does not include secrets – I just want to help solve any problems I hear about, so I get myself into trouble trying to help fix things. Sometimes the idjit trophy arrives squarely at my door that way, too.
So, excuse me while I adjust my tiara and march off-stage with my trophy: Miss Idjit, Universe level.
Just because….
and also why;
not to mention that it’s required
and necessary for proceeding to the next step in the plan –
or not, and anyway:
if we can find somebody else to do it
who’s also willing to pay for it (instead of us (or me))
that might mean it could happen just that way
for once, maybe, perhaps
or not – who knows?
What would it be like to taste things with your feet, like flies do? Would we still wear shoes, or not?
How would wings actually attach to your shoulders if you could fly like a bird?
How have we evolved and advanced since every human born starts from scratch all over again? I teach, and the process of dealing with adolescents really makes you think about the fact that we just don’t live long enough to re-make ALL the mistakes all over again.
I could get sooooo much done if only I did not have to sleep. Or eat.
Why is love so HARD?? Is it supposed to be this way? Or have we just messed it up? (We are pretty good at that, you know – look at the world!)
Why are animals so much more rewarding than most people? Is it so we will adopt them? Or is it that they are smarter than us? (I have often thought enviously of my cat’s life…….)
How much is TOO much, and how do you know it is too much?
Why are we all cute when we are babies – is that so we adults let them live??
Why do some animals eat their young – is that just disgusting, or actually pretty smart?
What sort of dictator would I be?
Would I choose to do the right thing even if it would cost my life, or would I choose to live instead?
Since nobody starts out with the goal to be a drug addict, why do we have so many of them?
Is God like a kid with a magnifying glass sitting beside an ant hill, or what? He has sure been a lot kinder to this ant than this ant deserved…..
Who gets to decide? Why should those people who are deciding be the ones who get to decide?
Why do insects have six legs while arachnids have eight, and some other creatures have none at all?
Why is what the imams do at prayer call NOT called singing?
WHY is the first call to prayer at the ungodly hour that it is called? Is it because that is the time to get up and milk the cows?
Why does nobody call you until you get in the shower, or are doing something you don’t want interrupted – why do they always call THEN?
Why is there always too much month left at the end of the money?
Why do girls like shiny things? We are like magpies, for heaven’s sake!
Why is gold so valuable? Why not iron, which is actually much more useful?
Why is it that men can NEVER see the crumbs on the counter? Is it genetic? *I* can see them, why can’t he?
Why does at least ONE cat always have to accompany me when I go to the bathroom? What is so fascinating about that to them?
How come humans can’t fly like birds do? And why do birds have snake-skin legs?
Why are donkeys so cute and so stubborn?
Why don’t humans have fur, like most other mammals?
How random is random?
You never know when something you say will lift or harm someone: be careful what you say.
Do my cats really love me, or am I just a source of food? They come and rub on me when I DON’T have food, is that proof?
Since we have no way to actually, unarguably VERIFY how the world began, why do we waste time arguing about how it happened? Why not just accept that it did happen, and go on from there?
Is ADD a handicap, or an advantage?
Why does the thought of an electrical outage bring on a panic attack because there will be no TV, no computer, no stereo, no fridge, no water, no videos, no movies, etc., etc., etc.? We are still breathing, right?
Speaking of breathing, it is NOT an academic activity. Just because you show up for class and contribute to the hot air in the room, that does NOT mean you are passing my class. Dodo.
Is religion a handicap, or an advantage?
Terrorist Islamist: why are you so threatened by MY religion that you want to kill everyone who practices it? If YOUR religion is so great, why are you not confident that I will “see the light” and convert to your religion?
If Jews are so bad, consider this: nobody has to worry about THEM on an airplane.
No adult can look adult and businesslike with a lollipop stick sticking out of their mouth. So why does a cigarette not give the same childish impression? Just because it is on fire? What sane person puts burning things in their face?
Never order spaghetti or fried chicken on a first date. And if he takes you to McDonald’s for the first date, think twice.
If you think EVERYONE is weird, maybe you’d better check your mirror. If EVERYONE thinks you are weird, ditto.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and think: I’m going to squeeze these dangly things and drink what comes out?
Why is being female more trouble than it is worth? Some days, anyway!! Is that also true for being a guy, or are they ridiculously happy all the time, like they look like they are?
Dirtdaubber Wasp 